Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Narcissistic Abuse?ExamplesSigns of AbuseNarcissistic Abuse CycleEffectsGetting Help
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Examples
Signs of Abuse
Narcissistic Abuse Cycle
Effects
Getting Help
Getting Immediate Help
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These behaviors arise due to traits associated with NPD, including:
Being envious of others, along with a lack of empathy, is common. Although studies demonstrate that biological males are more likely to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), how the abuse is expressed may differ across genders and individuals.
People with narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated sense of self. They believe themselves to be special and are often preoccupied with fantasies of success in relationships and at work. They have a need for admiration and have difficulty empathizing with others.
Examples of Narcissistic Abuse
People living with NPD tend to be abusive in ways that interfere with relationships. These behaviors can range from hurtful and unwarranted criticism from a perfectionist employer to life-threatening physical attacks from an enraged intimate partner.
In 2020, researchers conducted a study in which they asked 436 people who live with narcissists to describe life with them. They said these spouses, parents, and others were people who:
“It was an endless minefield of eggshells,” said one study participant. “A word, an expression would be taken against me.” Another described a male who flew off the handle and screamed insults while throwing a tantrum for hours.
Narcissism, Mental Health, and AbuseBeing abusive and having a mental health illness like narcissistic personality disorder are two entirely separate things. There is no proof that people with mental health illnesses are more likely to be abusive than anyone else, and having a mental health illness is never an excuse for abuse.
Narcissism, Mental Health, and Abuse
Being abusive and having a mental health illness like narcissistic personality disorder are two entirely separate things. There is no proof that people with mental health illnesses are more likely to be abusive than anyone else, and having a mental health illness is never an excuse for abuse.
Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse is only one type of abuse, and not everyone labeled as a narcissist is necessarily an abuser. NPD is a medical condition that only a healthcare provider can diagnose.
However, narcissistic abuse does share similar warning signs with other abusive behaviors, including physical and emotional abuse.
God Complex in Psychology: Traits, Causes, and Effects
Controlling Behavior
Abusers often try to control their victims. The abuser might try to restrict what you wear, with whom you spend time, or how you spend money.
In some cases, these control patterns can result in stalking behaviors and violence. Researchers have noted a pattern in which some types of narcissism involving grandiosity, or a claim of special powers, can lead to serious violence when coupled with a heightened sense of anger.
Gaslighting and Censorship
Gaslightingis a form of emotional abuse andmanipulationthat causes you to question your reality.
When gaslighting, an abuser might twist the facts, or use your own words against you to make you question your understanding of the situation. They may try to control what you say or even what you think. They may threaten or punish you for speaking out against their wishes.
They deny things you know to be true, or dictate your own feelings to you in order to dismiss your sense of agency and what you’ve said about your experiences. In some cases, as with child abuse, a victim may become more attuned to feelings and perceptions of an abuser than their own.
Social Isolation
People who are narcissistic abusers pull their victims away from friends, hobbies, and other sources of well-being in their life to make the victim more dependent on the abuser.
At the same time, isolation keeps victims trapped. If they can’t go to work, don’t see family, can’t leave the home, or access a phone, they are kept vulnerable to the abuser and the abuser’s version of reality.
It’s important to remember that, even in the absence of narcissistic abuse, social isolation can contribute to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.
Mood Disorders
Lack of Boundaries and Invasions of Privacy
An early sign of abuse can be a lack of boundaries. Someone who inserts themselves into your life very quickly, exuding charm and showering you with attention and gifts, may eventually become controlling or abusive.
In fact, many professionals identify these quick-moving relationships as a classic sign of potential narcissistic abuse.As the relationship moves forward, the abuser may track your whereabouts, look at your social media, or otherwise violate your sense of privacy.
These behaviors can give the narcissistic abuser a sense of control and a way to intimidate you.
What Is Love Bombing?
Threats and Verbal Abuse
This “silent treatment” can be a type of withholding, a manipulative behavior in which a person withdraws their attention, affection, or communication as a way of punishing you and making you feel ostracized.
Verbal attacks can escalate into threats. An abuser might threaten you or the people and things you love, including your pets. Sometimes an abuser will threaten self-harm as a way to control you.
Some psychologists talk about a narcissistic abuse cycle or acycle of abusemore broadly. This is helpful to some people, who can recognize a pattern in their own experience with an abuser.
It also can help you to know what narcissists do to their victims in order to help others. Here’s what a cycle of abuse may look like.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline rejects the idea of an abuse cycle. When people talk about a cycle, it can make others feel as if they know what can happen next, and it can also make people blame a victim for the abuse, the organization says.
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Being a victim of emotional abuse, including narcissistic abuse, can haveshort-term and long-term effectson your health.
People who have experienced manipulation and abuse often feel confused and may blame themselves for their partner’s behavior. Even after a relationship ends, being a victim of emotional abuse can make it difficult to trust partners in future relationships. Or, it may lead people to stay in unhealthy relationships.
Common effects of emotional abuse include:
No one deserves to be abused. Even if your partner has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, NPD is not an excuse for abusive behavior.
A professional with expertise in narcissistic abuse counseling can help you cope with an unhealthy relationship and assist with narcissistic abuse recovery. In some cases, a counselor can help you and your partner develop healthier communication patterns.
A counselor will also help you set healthy boundaries and understand what behavior is unacceptable. Remember, emotional abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated.
Mental Health Professionals That Provide Psychotherapy
Summary
These abusers often behave within specific patterns that cause harm to others, including life partners and work colleagues. Knowing these patterns can help you to avoid or heal from an abusive relationship.
Remember that mental health illness, including NPD, is not an excuse for abuse, and many abusers do not have a mental illness.
14 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8Green A, MacLean R, Charles K.Female narcissism: assessment, aetiology, and behavioural Manifestations.Psychol Rep. 2022;125(6):2833-2864. doi:10.1177/00332941211027322Nevicka B, De Hoogh AHB, Den Hartog DN, Belschak FD.Narcissistic leaders and their victims: followers low on self-esteem and low on core self-evaluations suffer most.Front Psychol. 2018;9:422. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00422Scott R, Freckelton I.Narcissistic rage and the murder of Allison Baden-Clay.Psychiatr Psychol Law. 2017;25(1):131-151. doi:10.1080/13218719.2017.1379113National Domestic Violence Hotline.Narcissism and abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Warning signs of abuse.Lowenstein J, Purvis C, Rose K.A systematic review on the relationship between antisocial, borderline and narcissistic personality disorder diagnostic traits and risk of violence to others in a clinical and forensic sample.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2016;3:14. doi:10.1186/s40479-016-0046-0National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is gaslighting?Almeida ILL, Rego JF, Teixeira ACG, Moreira MR.Social isolation and its impact on child and adolescent development: a systematic review.Rev Paul Pediatr. 2021 Oct 4;40:e2020385. doi:10.1590/1984-0462/2022/40/2020385.CASA Pinellas.5 Warning signs of narcissistic abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Types of abuse.Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485National Domestic Violence Hotline.Is abuse really a cycle?Women’s Law.Emotional and psychological abuse.
14 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8Green A, MacLean R, Charles K.Female narcissism: assessment, aetiology, and behavioural Manifestations.Psychol Rep. 2022;125(6):2833-2864. doi:10.1177/00332941211027322Nevicka B, De Hoogh AHB, Den Hartog DN, Belschak FD.Narcissistic leaders and their victims: followers low on self-esteem and low on core self-evaluations suffer most.Front Psychol. 2018;9:422. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00422Scott R, Freckelton I.Narcissistic rage and the murder of Allison Baden-Clay.Psychiatr Psychol Law. 2017;25(1):131-151. doi:10.1080/13218719.2017.1379113National Domestic Violence Hotline.Narcissism and abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Warning signs of abuse.Lowenstein J, Purvis C, Rose K.A systematic review on the relationship between antisocial, borderline and narcissistic personality disorder diagnostic traits and risk of violence to others in a clinical and forensic sample.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2016;3:14. doi:10.1186/s40479-016-0046-0National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is gaslighting?Almeida ILL, Rego JF, Teixeira ACG, Moreira MR.Social isolation and its impact on child and adolescent development: a systematic review.Rev Paul Pediatr. 2021 Oct 4;40:e2020385. doi:10.1590/1984-0462/2022/40/2020385.CASA Pinellas.5 Warning signs of narcissistic abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Types of abuse.Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485National Domestic Violence Hotline.Is abuse really a cycle?Women’s Law.Emotional and psychological abuse.
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8Green A, MacLean R, Charles K.Female narcissism: assessment, aetiology, and behavioural Manifestations.Psychol Rep. 2022;125(6):2833-2864. doi:10.1177/00332941211027322Nevicka B, De Hoogh AHB, Den Hartog DN, Belschak FD.Narcissistic leaders and their victims: followers low on self-esteem and low on core self-evaluations suffer most.Front Psychol. 2018;9:422. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00422Scott R, Freckelton I.Narcissistic rage and the murder of Allison Baden-Clay.Psychiatr Psychol Law. 2017;25(1):131-151. doi:10.1080/13218719.2017.1379113National Domestic Violence Hotline.Narcissism and abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Warning signs of abuse.Lowenstein J, Purvis C, Rose K.A systematic review on the relationship between antisocial, borderline and narcissistic personality disorder diagnostic traits and risk of violence to others in a clinical and forensic sample.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2016;3:14. doi:10.1186/s40479-016-0046-0National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is gaslighting?Almeida ILL, Rego JF, Teixeira ACG, Moreira MR.Social isolation and its impact on child and adolescent development: a systematic review.Rev Paul Pediatr. 2021 Oct 4;40:e2020385. doi:10.1590/1984-0462/2022/40/2020385.CASA Pinellas.5 Warning signs of narcissistic abuse.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Types of abuse.Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485National Domestic Violence Hotline.Is abuse really a cycle?Women’s Law.Emotional and psychological abuse.
Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8
Green A, MacLean R, Charles K.Female narcissism: assessment, aetiology, and behavioural Manifestations.Psychol Rep. 2022;125(6):2833-2864. doi:10.1177/00332941211027322
Nevicka B, De Hoogh AHB, Den Hartog DN, Belschak FD.Narcissistic leaders and their victims: followers low on self-esteem and low on core self-evaluations suffer most.Front Psychol. 2018;9:422. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00422
Scott R, Freckelton I.Narcissistic rage and the murder of Allison Baden-Clay.Psychiatr Psychol Law. 2017;25(1):131-151. doi:10.1080/13218719.2017.1379113
National Domestic Violence Hotline.Narcissism and abuse.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.Warning signs of abuse.
Lowenstein J, Purvis C, Rose K.A systematic review on the relationship between antisocial, borderline and narcissistic personality disorder diagnostic traits and risk of violence to others in a clinical and forensic sample.Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2016;3:14. doi:10.1186/s40479-016-0046-0
National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is gaslighting?
Almeida ILL, Rego JF, Teixeira ACG, Moreira MR.Social isolation and its impact on child and adolescent development: a systematic review.Rev Paul Pediatr. 2021 Oct 4;40:e2020385. doi:10.1590/1984-0462/2022/40/2020385.
CASA Pinellas.5 Warning signs of narcissistic abuse.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.Types of abuse.
Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485
National Domestic Violence Hotline.Is abuse really a cycle?
Women’s Law.Emotional and psychological abuse.
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