7 Effective Ways to Be There for Someone Struggling with Depression

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWays to HelpWhen They Don’t Want HelpEffects on CaregiverWhen to Consult a Provider

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Ways to Help

When They Don’t Want Help

Effects on Caregiver

When to Consult a Provider

It can be heartbreaking to watch a loved one struggling with depression. Naturally, you want to help them but may not know where to start. The hard truth is that no matter what you do, you cannot cure your loved one’s depression. But there are things you can do to help them seek treatment and cope better day to day.

1. Reach Out and Listen

Being a patient and active listener can help you better understand what your loved one is going through. It can also make your loved one feel validated and allow them to unburden themselves.

If you don’t know what to say to someone who is depressed, that’s OK. It’s a complex and painful topic. Instead of giving vague advice like “Things will get better,” offer a listening ear.

Try saying something like, “I don’t totally understand what you’re going through, but I love you, and I’d like to understand better. Know that I’m always here to listen without judgment, and you can share anything you’re feeling with me.”

2. Suggest Resources

There are a number of resources designed to helppeople with depression. However, a hallmark sign of depression is apathy and a loss of initiative.People with depression may feel too overwhelmed to seek resources themselves.

This is where you come in. Offer your loved one support with finding resources. The following list is a good starting point:

Emergency Depression Resources

3. Check in Regularly

Check on your struggling loved one regularly. Visit them at home or make a simple phone call or text. Let them know that you are thinking of them and provide ways for them to connect with you.

Social isolation has a bidirectional relationship with depression.What this means is that being isolated can lead to depression, but also that having depression can lead a person to isolate themselves.

4. Offer to Help With Meals and Errands

Simple daily tasks can feel insurmountable to someone with depression. The changes in their brain chemistry make it much more difficult to bathe, clean the house, run errands, and cook healthy meals.

A practical way to help someone with depression is to take on some of their responsibilities when you can. Offer to do things like planning and preparing meals or running errands. Spend some time cleaning their house or filling their car with gas.

A lot of people with depression avoid opening their mail out of overwhelm and dread, so another thing you can do is offer your time to sit with them and sort through unopened letters, emails, or text messages.

Establishing BoundariesWhile the suggestions above will help your loved one with depression, they’re not necessarily a long-term solution if you want to avoidcodependency. It’s equally essential for your loved one to learn ways to self-soothe and cope independently.Establish boundaries and limits to what you’re willing to do for them and how often. You can also taper how much assistance you give them over time to encourage more independence while offering help when they need it most.

Establishing Boundaries

While the suggestions above will help your loved one with depression, they’re not necessarily a long-term solution if you want to avoidcodependency. It’s equally essential for your loved one to learn ways to self-soothe and cope independently.Establish boundaries and limits to what you’re willing to do for them and how often. You can also taper how much assistance you give them over time to encourage more independence while offering help when they need it most.

While the suggestions above will help your loved one with depression, they’re not necessarily a long-term solution if you want to avoidcodependency. It’s equally essential for your loved one to learn ways to self-soothe and cope independently.

Establish boundaries and limits to what you’re willing to do for them and how often. You can also taper how much assistance you give them over time to encourage more independence while offering help when they need it most.

5. Encourage Them to Seek Treatment

Seeking treatment for depression can involve a lot of steps, and depression’s impact on the brain can make it difficult for people living with depression to initiate those steps, for example, calling a healthcare provider or refilling aprescription.

Gently remind your loved one of the importance of seeking treatment. Offer to help manage their therapy schedule, drive them to appointments, pick up prescriptions, or set up medication reminders.

6. Help Them Set Goals

Start with short-term, simple goals. These might include goals like “I’m going to get out of bed at my first alarm every day this week” or “I’m going to take out the trash today.”

Perhaps you could have a goal-setting session with your loved one, in which you both set goals together. You could also gift them a goal-setting notebook or planner and set aside time to complete it.

7. Work With Them on Creating a Routine

Having a routine can help people with depression feel better.Depression causes you to lack internal motivation.Providing an external structure can help fill the gap in internal motivation.

Some prompts for creating a routine include:

Many of the above is up to your loved one’s discretion, but you can encourage them to start. You can also set up a regular coffee date or meet up with them to help further promote a routine.

Sleeping and DepressionChanges in sleep patterns—like sleeping too much or too little—are symptoms of depression. A person with depression may find it hard to “turn off their brain” at night, or alternatively, they may sleep all day because they can’t see the point of getting out of bed.When it comes to sleep, gently encourage your loved one to set up a regular bedtime and wake-up time. Smallsleep hygienesteps like keeping their phone out of their room or putting an alarm clock far away from the bed so they have to get up in the morning can all help.

Sleeping and Depression

Changes in sleep patterns—like sleeping too much or too little—are symptoms of depression. A person with depression may find it hard to “turn off their brain” at night, or alternatively, they may sleep all day because they can’t see the point of getting out of bed.When it comes to sleep, gently encourage your loved one to set up a regular bedtime and wake-up time. Smallsleep hygienesteps like keeping their phone out of their room or putting an alarm clock far away from the bed so they have to get up in the morning can all help.

Changes in sleep patterns—like sleeping too much or too little—are symptoms of depression. A person with depression may find it hard to “turn off their brain” at night, or alternatively, they may sleep all day because they can’t see the point of getting out of bed.

When it comes to sleep, gently encourage your loved one to set up a regular bedtime and wake-up time. Smallsleep hygienesteps like keeping their phone out of their room or putting an alarm clock far away from the bed so they have to get up in the morning can all help.

What If Someone Doesn’t Want Help?

Your loved one may not recognize that they have depression or don’t want your help. It may even feel like they’re shutting you out. You must balance respecting their boundaries and looking out for their well-being.

As long as they’re not expressing suicidal plans, you cannot force them into treatment, but you can still be open with them about your concerns.

If they are displaying signs ofsuicidal behavior, you should talk to them about your worries and contact their mental healthcare provider. You can also contact a suicide hotline (such as 988) to learn about resources near you, and always call 911 in case of emergency.

Effects on the Person Giving Emotional Support

Supporting someone with depression can also profoundly affect you mentally, and that’s OK to acknowledge. You also deserve to be mentally healthy, and there are some steps you can take to avoidcaregiver burnout. These include:

When to Consult a Healthcare Provider

If your loved one with depression is an adult, you cannot force them to see a healthcare provider. However, you can encourage them to seek help if you notice the followingsigns of depression:

Summary

There are many ways to be there for someone with depression. Encourage them to seek treatment, establish routines and goals, check in regularly, and offer support with day-to-day tasks and finding helpful resources. Be sure to keep your own mental health in mind, though, to avoid caregiver burnout.

9 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Steffens DC, Fahed M, Manning KJ, Wang L.The neurobiology of apathy in depression and neurocognitive impairment in older adults: a review of epidemiological, clinical, neuropsychological and biological research.Transl Psychiatry. 2022;12(1):1-16. doi:10.1038/s41398-022-02292-3Zhu S, Kong X, Han F, et al.Association between social isolation and depression: evidence from longitudinal and Mendelian randomization analyses.J Affect Disord. 2024;350:182-187. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2024.01.106National Institute of Mental Health.Depression.University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Goal-setting.Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Setting goals and developing specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives.National Health Service.How to cope with depression.Grahek I, Shenhav A, Musslick S, Krebs RM, Koster EH.Motivation and cognitive control in depression.Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews. 2019;102:371. doi:10.1016/j.neubiorev.2019.04.011University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Supporting other.Families for Depression Awareness.Help an adult.

9 Sources

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Steffens DC, Fahed M, Manning KJ, Wang L.The neurobiology of apathy in depression and neurocognitive impairment in older adults: a review of epidemiological, clinical, neuropsychological and biological research.Transl Psychiatry. 2022;12(1):1-16. doi:10.1038/s41398-022-02292-3Zhu S, Kong X, Han F, et al.Association between social isolation and depression: evidence from longitudinal and Mendelian randomization analyses.J Affect Disord. 2024;350:182-187. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2024.01.106National Institute of Mental Health.Depression.University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Goal-setting.Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Setting goals and developing specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives.National Health Service.How to cope with depression.Grahek I, Shenhav A, Musslick S, Krebs RM, Koster EH.Motivation and cognitive control in depression.Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews. 2019;102:371. doi:10.1016/j.neubiorev.2019.04.011University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Supporting other.Families for Depression Awareness.Help an adult.

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Steffens DC, Fahed M, Manning KJ, Wang L.The neurobiology of apathy in depression and neurocognitive impairment in older adults: a review of epidemiological, clinical, neuropsychological and biological research.Transl Psychiatry. 2022;12(1):1-16. doi:10.1038/s41398-022-02292-3Zhu S, Kong X, Han F, et al.Association between social isolation and depression: evidence from longitudinal and Mendelian randomization analyses.J Affect Disord. 2024;350:182-187. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2024.01.106National Institute of Mental Health.Depression.University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Goal-setting.Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Setting goals and developing specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives.National Health Service.How to cope with depression.Grahek I, Shenhav A, Musslick S, Krebs RM, Koster EH.Motivation and cognitive control in depression.Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews. 2019;102:371. doi:10.1016/j.neubiorev.2019.04.011University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Supporting other.Families for Depression Awareness.Help an adult.

Steffens DC, Fahed M, Manning KJ, Wang L.The neurobiology of apathy in depression and neurocognitive impairment in older adults: a review of epidemiological, clinical, neuropsychological and biological research.Transl Psychiatry. 2022;12(1):1-16. doi:10.1038/s41398-022-02292-3

Zhu S, Kong X, Han F, et al.Association between social isolation and depression: evidence from longitudinal and Mendelian randomization analyses.J Affect Disord. 2024;350:182-187. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2024.01.106

National Institute of Mental Health.Depression.

University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Goal-setting.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Setting goals and developing specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives.

National Health Service.How to cope with depression.

Grahek I, Shenhav A, Musslick S, Krebs RM, Koster EH.Motivation and cognitive control in depression.Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews. 2019;102:371. doi:10.1016/j.neubiorev.2019.04.011

University of Michigan Eisenberg Family Depression Center.Supporting other.

Families for Depression Awareness.Help an adult.

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