How can you tell whether poor behavior is the result ofautistic traitsor if it’sordinary naughtinesscommon among all kids? It’s not always easy to distinguish between “autistic” behaviorsand the more neurotypical “misbehavior.”
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Many of the common behaviors seen in autistic children might be deemed problems in other kids. For example:
Difficulty Responding to Kindness
Autistic children may also have a tough time managing their responses to adult or peer kindness. The following examples may sound familiar for parents of autistic children:
All of these behaviors can lead to hurt or even angry feelings. Yet all can be autistic traits, and, in most cases, result from sensory, communication, or behavioral challenges that are common for autistic people.
Distinguishing Autism From Misbehaving
Autistic behaviors are usually the result of a few very specific types of challenges. Because every autistic person is unique, the challenges will look different for each child but they exist, at some level, in anyone correctly diagnosed with anautism spectrum disorder(ASD).
Sensory Challenges
Autistic people are almost always likely to either overreact or underreact to sound, light, smells, and touch. The child who runs away from a grandparent may actually be responding to the smell of their perfume. The child who hates hugs may dislike the sensation of being squeezed but actually feel affection toward the person doing the hugging.
A sensory challenge can be something as minor as the buzz from fluorescent lights.
Sensory challengesmay also be the reasons behind “misbehavior” when in a crowded or loud auditorium or squeezed between people when standing in a line. How can you tell when sensory issues are causing a problem? Take these steps:
How to Stop Your Autistic Child From Taking Their Clothes Off
Social Communication Challenges
Autistic people have a tough time with socialcommunicationat one level or another.It can be difficult or even impossible to read others' emotions, or it may be very difficult to avoid overreacting to others' feelings. It can be very tough to watch and imitate others' behaviors.
The fact that others are sitting still and being quiet may not register for an autistic child. What are the signs that a child is having difficulties with social communication?
Notice the child’s intent. Difficulties with social communication can make it hard for an autistic child to tell when their actions may be hurtful. Walking away out of boredom or a desire to do something different may look mean-spirited, but there’s a very good chance that the child doesn’t recognize how their behaviors are likely to affect others.
Remember that an autistic child has developmental delays. A neurotypical 12-year-old should be able to graciously thank a grandparent for a gift they do not really want. A typical 8-year-old may not be able to handle the situation as well. Autistic children often appear immature for their age; an autistic teenager may behave like a much younger child.
Did the teacher actually tell the child about the rules of recess play? Did they provide visual supports and social stories? If not, how is the child expected to know the rules?
The Importance of Social Skills Therapy for Autism
Behavioral Challenges
Autistic behaviors are usually self-evident because they are generally quite different from neurotypical behaviors. As a result, a caregiver should be able to tell at a glance whether they’re seeing misbehavior or traits of autism. Here’s what to look for:
Addressing Autistic Behaviors
So you’ve determined that a child’s behaviors are not misbehaviors but are, instead, expressions of autistic traits. Now what?
You can, of course, do nothing. And in some cases, that’s perfectly reasonable. Why shouldn’t an autistic child rock, flick, or pace? If they’re hurting no one and creating no problems for themselves, why bother them?
Sometimes autistic traits, while they are not intentional, can cause significant issues. They can cause embarrassment, both for the child and their guardian. They can create hurt or even angry feelings or lead to a child being ostracized or excluded from an important group, activity, or setting.
What can you do about that? You can take action on many different levels, depending upon the importance of the situation, a child’s abilities and challenges, and your philosophy. Below is a list of options.
Provide Direct Instruction
If a child is able to respond to and act on direct instruction, provide it! Use words, video, modeling, practice (rehearsal), and social stories to teach the child how to behave in church or at a concert; how to respond politely to grandparents; or how to interact at a birthday party.
While these may not come naturally to an autistic child, in many cases, instruction and repetition can be the keys to success.
Remediate Challenges
You can ask for similar accommodations in school, though getting them in an inclusive setting can be more challenging.
Choose Settings and Situations With Care
If an autistic child hates loud movies, don’t go to loud movies. Alternatively, a pair of noise-blocking headphones may make the sound level more comfortable. Consider going to autism-friendly events or selecting instructors who better understand autistic kids.
Change the Situation Completely
In some circumstances, a child’s school, home,activity choices, or location may need to change.
This may sound like an extreme response, but if the child’s school is unable to serve their needs; neighbors are intolerant; or if preferred activities are simply impossible for an autistic child, a guardian may need to consider options such as a private school, a different neighborhood, or a change in routines.
Addressing Real Misbehavior
No capable guardian would punish a child for age-appropriate behavior. Babies cry. Two-year-olds struggle with toilet training. Tweens need help managing their time.
On the other hand, no capable guardian would make it easy and acceptable for their child to lie, hit, hurt others' feelings, or behave in ways that are damaging to themselves or others. And while it does make sense to modify expectations and change situations based on the individual, everyone needs—and deserves—bothstructure and limits.
Without these tools, it is almost impossible to build self-discipline, a skill that is absolutely essential to independence, resilience, success, and self-confidence. As with any other child, the responsibilities of guardians are to:
6 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Autism Spectrum Disorder.Carter EJ, Williams DL, Minshew NJ, Lehman JF.Is he being bad? Social and language brain networks during social judgment in children with autism.PLoS ONE. 2012;7(10):e47241. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0047241Hadjikhani N, Åsberg Johnels J, Zürcher NR,et al.Look me in the eyes: constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep.2017;7,3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5Steenfeldt-Kristensen C, Jones CA, Richards C.The Prevalence of Self-injurious Behaviour in Autism: A Meta-analytic Study. J Autism Dev Disord. 2020 Nov;50(11):3857-3873. doi: 10.1007/s10803-020-04443-1.Tager-Flusberg H.The origins of social impairments in autism spectrum disorder: studies of infants at risk.Neural Netw. 2010;23(8-9):1072-6. doi:10.1016/j.neunet.2010.07.008Kennedy Krieger.IAN research report: bullying and children with ASD.
6 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Autism Spectrum Disorder.Carter EJ, Williams DL, Minshew NJ, Lehman JF.Is he being bad? Social and language brain networks during social judgment in children with autism.PLoS ONE. 2012;7(10):e47241. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0047241Hadjikhani N, Åsberg Johnels J, Zürcher NR,et al.Look me in the eyes: constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep.2017;7,3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5Steenfeldt-Kristensen C, Jones CA, Richards C.The Prevalence of Self-injurious Behaviour in Autism: A Meta-analytic Study. J Autism Dev Disord. 2020 Nov;50(11):3857-3873. doi: 10.1007/s10803-020-04443-1.Tager-Flusberg H.The origins of social impairments in autism spectrum disorder: studies of infants at risk.Neural Netw. 2010;23(8-9):1072-6. doi:10.1016/j.neunet.2010.07.008Kennedy Krieger.IAN research report: bullying and children with ASD.
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
National Institute of Mental Health.Autism Spectrum Disorder.Carter EJ, Williams DL, Minshew NJ, Lehman JF.Is he being bad? Social and language brain networks during social judgment in children with autism.PLoS ONE. 2012;7(10):e47241. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0047241Hadjikhani N, Åsberg Johnels J, Zürcher NR,et al.Look me in the eyes: constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep.2017;7,3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5Steenfeldt-Kristensen C, Jones CA, Richards C.The Prevalence of Self-injurious Behaviour in Autism: A Meta-analytic Study. J Autism Dev Disord. 2020 Nov;50(11):3857-3873. doi: 10.1007/s10803-020-04443-1.Tager-Flusberg H.The origins of social impairments in autism spectrum disorder: studies of infants at risk.Neural Netw. 2010;23(8-9):1072-6. doi:10.1016/j.neunet.2010.07.008Kennedy Krieger.IAN research report: bullying and children with ASD.
National Institute of Mental Health.Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Carter EJ, Williams DL, Minshew NJ, Lehman JF.Is he being bad? Social and language brain networks during social judgment in children with autism.PLoS ONE. 2012;7(10):e47241. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0047241
Hadjikhani N, Åsberg Johnels J, Zürcher NR,et al.Look me in the eyes: constraining gaze in the eye-region provokes abnormally high subcortical activation in autism.Sci Rep.2017;7,3163. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-03378-5
Steenfeldt-Kristensen C, Jones CA, Richards C.The Prevalence of Self-injurious Behaviour in Autism: A Meta-analytic Study. J Autism Dev Disord. 2020 Nov;50(11):3857-3873. doi: 10.1007/s10803-020-04443-1.
Tager-Flusberg H.The origins of social impairments in autism spectrum disorder: studies of infants at risk.Neural Netw. 2010;23(8-9):1072-6. doi:10.1016/j.neunet.2010.07.008
Kennedy Krieger.IAN research report: bullying and children with ASD.
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