Are you worried that your loved one with dementia has forgotten who you are? Maybe she doesn’t remember your name, you’ve become just a familiar face to her or she doesn’t even seem to recognize you anymore.

It can be difficult to watch the cognitive decline in dementia.And when that decline seems to directly affect your relationship with your loved one in this way, it may feel even worse.

Other times, these changes are accompanied with anxiety,agitation,paranoia, delusions, andcombativeness.Some people have experienced their loved one yelling at them (the “stranger”) to leave their house, or screaming and hitting them when they’ve tried to give them a hug because they don’t recognize them anymore.

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An older couple looking at their wedding photos

Why Does This Happen?

There are several possibilities for why your loved one doesn’t recognize you anymore. Here are a few:

Memory Loss:Because Alzheimer’sdamages the brain, memory declines. Depending on where the damage is in the brain, facial recognition and the ability to recall names, events, and fundamental information can become impaired.Changes in the brain are the most common reason why your loved one doesn’t seem to recognize you.

Paranoia and Delusions:Sometimes, a psychological change occurs in dementia and paranoia or delusions develop. These irrational thoughts and feelings can cause the person to fear you and believe untrue things about you, even if they do recognize you.

Delirium:If this change in the ability to recognize you is sudden, be sure to contact her physician since it’s possible she may be experiencing an infection or medication interaction that is causing delirium.

Vision Loss:Occasionally, a person with dementia experiences a significant decline in vision and it goes unnoticed.Perhaps you haven’t taken your loved one to an eye doctor for a few years because it’s a difficult process. It’s possible that she can’t see you well enough to recognize you.

Tips on Coping

Acknowledge the Loss:As with other grieving processes, it’s okay, and often necessary, to let yourself grieve this decline in your loved one. You don’t have to be stoic, even if you’ve read up on what to expect and you know the change is coming.

Validation Therapy:If your wife continually refers to you as her father, ask her to tell you about her dad, what she misses about him, what he looked like, what he did as a job, and what she loved about him. Give her the opportunity to share her memories of him, rather than try to force the issue and make her identify and remember you.

Photos and Videos:Show your loved one older pictures of family and friends to reminisce together. It’s likely that she will remember more from long ago and this exercise may sometimes trigger her to recall more recent items as well.

Seek Medical Help:If your loved one’s inability to recognize or remember others is making her (NOT you) feel anxious and frequently distressed, if her paranoia is affecting her eating or sleeping, or if she is fearful of you to the point of becoming dangerous to herself or others around her, call her physician. There may be appropriatemedicationsor other treatments that can address the cause of these behaviors and decrease her distress.While a physician won’t be able to reverse her dementia, medical treatment can improve the quality of life for both of you.

9 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Gale SA, Acar D, Daffner KR.Dementia.The American Journal of Medicine. 2018;131(10):1161-1169. doi: 10.1016/j.amjmed.2018.01.022Alzheimer’s Association.Memory Loss and Confusion.Casey DA.Pharmacotherapy of neuropsychiatric symptoms of dementia.P T. 2015;40(4):284-287. PMID: 25859124National Institute on Aging.What Happens to the Brain in Alzheimer Disease?National Institute on Aging.Alzheimer’s and Hallucinations, Delusions, and Paranoia.Lippmann S, Perugula ML.Delirium or dementia?Innov Clin Neurosci. 2016;13(9-10):56-57. PMID: 27975002.Paik, JS., Ha, M., Jung, Y.H.et al.Low vision and the risk of dementia: a nationwide population-based cohort study.Sci Rep10, 9109 (2020). doi: 10.1038/s41598-020-66002-zNational Institute for Dementia Education.Cognitive Benefits of Photo Reminiscence Therapy for Dementia Patients.National Institute on Aging.Study tests two drug treatments for early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease.

9 Sources

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Gale SA, Acar D, Daffner KR.Dementia.The American Journal of Medicine. 2018;131(10):1161-1169. doi: 10.1016/j.amjmed.2018.01.022Alzheimer’s Association.Memory Loss and Confusion.Casey DA.Pharmacotherapy of neuropsychiatric symptoms of dementia.P T. 2015;40(4):284-287. PMID: 25859124National Institute on Aging.What Happens to the Brain in Alzheimer Disease?National Institute on Aging.Alzheimer’s and Hallucinations, Delusions, and Paranoia.Lippmann S, Perugula ML.Delirium or dementia?Innov Clin Neurosci. 2016;13(9-10):56-57. PMID: 27975002.Paik, JS., Ha, M., Jung, Y.H.et al.Low vision and the risk of dementia: a nationwide population-based cohort study.Sci Rep10, 9109 (2020). doi: 10.1038/s41598-020-66002-zNational Institute for Dementia Education.Cognitive Benefits of Photo Reminiscence Therapy for Dementia Patients.National Institute on Aging.Study tests two drug treatments for early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease.

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Gale SA, Acar D, Daffner KR.Dementia.The American Journal of Medicine. 2018;131(10):1161-1169. doi: 10.1016/j.amjmed.2018.01.022Alzheimer’s Association.Memory Loss and Confusion.Casey DA.Pharmacotherapy of neuropsychiatric symptoms of dementia.P T. 2015;40(4):284-287. PMID: 25859124National Institute on Aging.What Happens to the Brain in Alzheimer Disease?National Institute on Aging.Alzheimer’s and Hallucinations, Delusions, and Paranoia.Lippmann S, Perugula ML.Delirium or dementia?Innov Clin Neurosci. 2016;13(9-10):56-57. PMID: 27975002.Paik, JS., Ha, M., Jung, Y.H.et al.Low vision and the risk of dementia: a nationwide population-based cohort study.Sci Rep10, 9109 (2020). doi: 10.1038/s41598-020-66002-zNational Institute for Dementia Education.Cognitive Benefits of Photo Reminiscence Therapy for Dementia Patients.National Institute on Aging.Study tests two drug treatments for early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease.

Gale SA, Acar D, Daffner KR.Dementia.The American Journal of Medicine. 2018;131(10):1161-1169. doi: 10.1016/j.amjmed.2018.01.022

Alzheimer’s Association.Memory Loss and Confusion.

Casey DA.Pharmacotherapy of neuropsychiatric symptoms of dementia.P T. 2015;40(4):284-287. PMID: 25859124

National Institute on Aging.What Happens to the Brain in Alzheimer Disease?

National Institute on Aging.Alzheimer’s and Hallucinations, Delusions, and Paranoia.

Lippmann S, Perugula ML.Delirium or dementia?Innov Clin Neurosci. 2016;13(9-10):56-57. PMID: 27975002.

Paik, JS., Ha, M., Jung, Y.H.et al.Low vision and the risk of dementia: a nationwide population-based cohort study.Sci Rep10, 9109 (2020). doi: 10.1038/s41598-020-66002-z

National Institute for Dementia Education.Cognitive Benefits of Photo Reminiscence Therapy for Dementia Patients.

National Institute on Aging.Study tests two drug treatments for early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease.

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