Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDefinitionTypesCausesExamplesIn AdultsCoping
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Definition
Types
Causes
Examples
In Adults
Coping
Attachment stylesidentify how a person relates to other people. The two main types of attachment—secure and insecure—develop in childhood and carry on throughout adulthood. An insecure attachment style can mean difficulties with trusting others and maintaining relationships.
This article discusses the different types of insecure attachment styles, what causes them, and how to cope with them as an adult.
Witthaya Prasongsin / Getty Images
What Is Insecure Attachment?
Insecure attachment is a relational pattern that causes a person to feel insecure about their relationships with other people. When they have an insecure attachment style, a person may have trouble developing meaningful adult relationships with others.
Depending on the type of insecure attachment pattern they have, a person may have:
Attachment Style and RelationshipsUnderstanding your attachment style can help you identify the challenges you’re facing in relating to other people in your life.
Attachment Style and Relationships
Understanding your attachment style can help you identify the challenges you’re facing in relating to other people in your life.
Types of Insecure Attachment
Insecure attachment can be broken down into three categories: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Each category defines a group of behavioral patterns that play a role in how a person connects with others.
Avoidant
Avoidant attachment describes a person that has trouble tolerating emotional intimacy or closeness with other people. They may not actively seek out intimate connections with others. An adult with an avoidant-insecure attachment may:
Ambivalent
Ambivalent attachment, anxious-preoccupied, or ambivalent anxious is a style of attachment where a person needs and craves intimacy but struggles to trust or fully rely on a partner.
A person with an ambivalent attachment style may want intimacy but is scared or worried that they will lose the person they care about if they open up to them. As such, a person with anxious-avoidant attachment’s desire for connection is inconsistent with their behavioral patterns.
They also have fears surrounding their relationships and worry about rejection from their partners. In their worry, they can become anxious, needy, manipulative, or dismissive toward loved ones. Ultimately, these behaviors can lead to the breakups that the person with this attachment style fears.
Disorganized
Disorganized attachment is when a person has conflicting behaviors—for example, they go back and forth between wanting to be loved and avoiding love in an effort to protect themselves.
A person with a disorganized attachment may act in confusing and erratic ways in their relationships. They are often scared and anxious during the formation of new relationships because they’re not sure if it’s safe.
Other characteristics that a person with a disorganized attachment style may have include:
How to Help PartnersYou can’t “cure” your partner of their attachment style, but you can be there for them while they learn how to cope with it.For example, a partner with an insecure attachment could benefit fromtherapy. Showing your secure attachment to them while they do this important work will help them feel safer.
How to Help Partners
You can’t “cure” your partner of their attachment style, but you can be there for them while they learn how to cope with it.For example, a partner with an insecure attachment could benefit fromtherapy. Showing your secure attachment to them while they do this important work will help them feel safer.
You can’t “cure” your partner of their attachment style, but you can be there for them while they learn how to cope with it.
For example, a partner with an insecure attachment could benefit fromtherapy. Showing your secure attachment to them while they do this important work will help them feel safer.
What Causes Insecure Attachment?
Adults who develop an avoidant attachment style often had a childhood experience where their parents or caregivers were emotionally unavailable in a way that left them feeling unloved or rejected.
They may have dealt with their caregivers being distant, closed off, or especially hurtful and dismissive when they felt they needed care the most. This could include times when they were scared, sick, or hurt.
Parental or caregiver actions that can lead to avoidant attachment include:
Ambivalent attachment develops when a parent or caregiver is inconsistent in their response to a child’s emotional needs.Often, a child’s caregiver would be emotionally available some of the time, but cold and closed off at other times.
Disorganized attachment develops when a parent or caregiver is consistently neglectful of their child’s needs when they are in distress.
Some parents or caregivers may use tactics of fear or intimidation to make the child refrain from expressing their emotions, such as yelling at the child to stop being upset. In some cases, disorganized attachment can develop because of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse that a child experiences.
Even when they are subject to abuse, a child still feels connected to their parent or caregiver—but is fearful of them. This leads to the constant swing between wanting love and fearing for safety.
Disorganized Attachment and Personality DisordersResearch has shown that manypersonality disordersare strongly related to a disorganized attachment style. That being said, studies have also shown that insecure attachment of any type is linked with personality disorders more than secure attachment. Secure attachment develops when a child’s emotional needs are consistently met and that leads to healthy relationships in adulthood.
Disorganized Attachment and Personality Disorders
Research has shown that manypersonality disordersare strongly related to a disorganized attachment style. That being said, studies have also shown that insecure attachment of any type is linked with personality disorders more than secure attachment. Secure attachment develops when a child’s emotional needs are consistently met and that leads to healthy relationships in adulthood.
Insecure Attachment Examples
Certain behaviors or patterns of behavior can help identify which type of insecure attachment a child or adult has.
Avoidant attachment can happen when a caregiver is not available or reliable.In childhood and adulthood, it may look like:
Children who are learning to develop an ambivalent attachment style will be wary of strangers and experienceseparation anxietywhen their parents leave.
Ambivalent attachment can look like:
A disorganized attachment style will present differently depending on age. Disorganized attachment can look like:
Recognizing Behaviors Based on Attachment Styles
Insecure Attachment in Adulthood
Even though insecure attachment develops in childhood, you can still feel the effects of it when you’re an adult—especially in your relationships.
Insecure attachment in relationships varies depending on the type but for the most part, a person with an insecure attachment will have trouble maintaining healthy relationships.
They will either be aloof and avoid intimacy altogether, or they will be fearful of losing the relationships to the point of needing constant reassurance from loved ones.
In some cases, a person will desire love but be fearful of getting it, so they avoid intimacy to protect themselves.
How to Overcome Insecure Attachment
However, newer research on attachment theory has found that there are ways people can learn to cope with and even overcome insecure attachment.
Different types of psychotherapy can help people with their attachment styles. One example iscognitive behavioral therapy(CBT), which helps people look at and challenge their distorted thoughts and negative behaviors.Another example is dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), which can help people better regulate their emotions, cope with distress, and consider different perspectives.
Differentpsychodynamic psychotherapies, such as transference-focused psychotherapy, have also been shown to help people understand and rework aspects of problematic relational patterns.
Psychotherapy can also help uncover developmental experiences and traumas that shape adult attachment patterns and help empower people to change these unconscious influences on their behavior. Couples or group therapy is also helpful for some people, depending on their needs and therapy goals.
Other ways a person can overcome insecure attachment include:
Earning Security
Summary
Insecure attachment stems from negative experiences during childhood. Insecure attachments can be avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized. Even though they start in childhood, attachment styles continue to affect how a person relates to the people around them as adults.
However, there are ways to change your patterns so that you can develop a secure attachment style in adulthood, like going to therapy and learning about things that happened in your life that may have shaped how you experience the world.
Coping with an insecure attachment style is difficult, but if you’re aware of it, you’re already one step closer to developing a secure attachment. Your actions and behaviors may be extensions of your childhood experiences, but you don’t have to accept your insecure attachment. Everyone is capable of positive change.
Frequently Asked QuestionsThree signs that a person has insecure attachment include the inability to engage in intimacy, struggling to form healthy relationships with others, and unpredictable or inconsistent behavior with loved ones. While there are more signs that are type-dependent, these are typically indicative that someone has gone through experiences that caused them to develop an insecure attachment style.Dealing with a partner with an insecure attachment style can be difficult. The best thing you can do is show the person you love what secure attachment looks like. This could involve being open and vulnerable yourself, providing consistent emotional support, and engaging in positive relationship behaviors.
Frequently Asked Questions
Three signs that a person has insecure attachment include the inability to engage in intimacy, struggling to form healthy relationships with others, and unpredictable or inconsistent behavior with loved ones. While there are more signs that are type-dependent, these are typically indicative that someone has gone through experiences that caused them to develop an insecure attachment style.
Dealing with a partner with an insecure attachment style can be difficult. The best thing you can do is show the person you love what secure attachment looks like. This could involve being open and vulnerable yourself, providing consistent emotional support, and engaging in positive relationship behaviors.
13 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sheinbaum T, Kwapil TR, Ballespí S, et al.Attachment style predicts affect, cognitive appraisals, and social functioning in daily life.Front Psychol.2015;6:296. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00296Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Plotka R.Ambivalent attachment. In: Goldstein S, Naglieri JA, eds.Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer US; 2011:81-83. doi:10.1007/978-0-387-79061-9_104Beeney JE, Wright AG, Stepp SD, et al.Disorganized attachment and personality functioning in adults: a latent class analysis.Personal Disord.2017;8(3):206-216. doi:10.1037/per0000184Guina J.The talking cure of avoidant personality disorder: remission through earned-secure attachment.APT. 2016;70(3):233-250. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.2016.70.3.233Hong YR, Park JS.Impact of attachment, temperament and parenting on human development.Korean J Pediatr.2012;55(12):449-454. doi:10.3345/kjp.2012.55.12.449Paetzold RL, Rholes WS.The link from child abuse to dissociation: the roles of adult disorganized attachment, self-concept clarity, and reflective functioning.J Trauma Dissociation.2021;22(5):615-635. doi:10.1080/15299732.2020.1869654APA Dictionary of Psychology.Avoidant attachment.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Ambivalent attachment.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Disorganized attachment.Strauß B, Altmann U, Manes S, et al.Changes of attachment characteristics during psychotherapy of patients with social anxiety disorder: results from the SOPHO-Net trial.PLoS One.2018;13(3):e0192802. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0192802Lungu A, Linehan MM.Dialectical behavior therapy. In:The Science of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Elsevier; 2017:429-459. doi:10.1016/B978-0-12-803457-6.00018-0Hudson NW, Chopik WJ, Briley DA.Volitional change in adult attachment: can people who want to become less anxious and avoidant move closer towards realizing those goals?.Eur J Pers. 2020;34(1):93-114. doi:0.1002/per.2226
13 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sheinbaum T, Kwapil TR, Ballespí S, et al.Attachment style predicts affect, cognitive appraisals, and social functioning in daily life.Front Psychol.2015;6:296. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00296Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Plotka R.Ambivalent attachment. In: Goldstein S, Naglieri JA, eds.Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer US; 2011:81-83. doi:10.1007/978-0-387-79061-9_104Beeney JE, Wright AG, Stepp SD, et al.Disorganized attachment and personality functioning in adults: a latent class analysis.Personal Disord.2017;8(3):206-216. doi:10.1037/per0000184Guina J.The talking cure of avoidant personality disorder: remission through earned-secure attachment.APT. 2016;70(3):233-250. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.2016.70.3.233Hong YR, Park JS.Impact of attachment, temperament and parenting on human development.Korean J Pediatr.2012;55(12):449-454. doi:10.3345/kjp.2012.55.12.449Paetzold RL, Rholes WS.The link from child abuse to dissociation: the roles of adult disorganized attachment, self-concept clarity, and reflective functioning.J Trauma Dissociation.2021;22(5):615-635. doi:10.1080/15299732.2020.1869654APA Dictionary of Psychology.Avoidant attachment.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Ambivalent attachment.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Disorganized attachment.Strauß B, Altmann U, Manes S, et al.Changes of attachment characteristics during psychotherapy of patients with social anxiety disorder: results from the SOPHO-Net trial.PLoS One.2018;13(3):e0192802. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0192802Lungu A, Linehan MM.Dialectical behavior therapy. In:The Science of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Elsevier; 2017:429-459. doi:10.1016/B978-0-12-803457-6.00018-0Hudson NW, Chopik WJ, Briley DA.Volitional change in adult attachment: can people who want to become less anxious and avoidant move closer towards realizing those goals?.Eur J Pers. 2020;34(1):93-114. doi:0.1002/per.2226
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Sheinbaum T, Kwapil TR, Ballespí S, et al.Attachment style predicts affect, cognitive appraisals, and social functioning in daily life.Front Psychol.2015;6:296. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00296Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Plotka R.Ambivalent attachment. In: Goldstein S, Naglieri JA, eds.Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer US; 2011:81-83. doi:10.1007/978-0-387-79061-9_104Beeney JE, Wright AG, Stepp SD, et al.Disorganized attachment and personality functioning in adults: a latent class analysis.Personal Disord.2017;8(3):206-216. doi:10.1037/per0000184Guina J.The talking cure of avoidant personality disorder: remission through earned-secure attachment.APT. 2016;70(3):233-250. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.2016.70.3.233Hong YR, Park JS.Impact of attachment, temperament and parenting on human development.Korean J Pediatr.2012;55(12):449-454. doi:10.3345/kjp.2012.55.12.449Paetzold RL, Rholes WS.The link from child abuse to dissociation: the roles of adult disorganized attachment, self-concept clarity, and reflective functioning.J Trauma Dissociation.2021;22(5):615-635. doi:10.1080/15299732.2020.1869654APA Dictionary of Psychology.Avoidant attachment.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Ambivalent attachment.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Disorganized attachment.Strauß B, Altmann U, Manes S, et al.Changes of attachment characteristics during psychotherapy of patients with social anxiety disorder: results from the SOPHO-Net trial.PLoS One.2018;13(3):e0192802. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0192802Lungu A, Linehan MM.Dialectical behavior therapy. In:The Science of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Elsevier; 2017:429-459. doi:10.1016/B978-0-12-803457-6.00018-0Hudson NW, Chopik WJ, Briley DA.Volitional change in adult attachment: can people who want to become less anxious and avoidant move closer towards realizing those goals?.Eur J Pers. 2020;34(1):93-114. doi:0.1002/per.2226
Sheinbaum T, Kwapil TR, Ballespí S, et al.Attachment style predicts affect, cognitive appraisals, and social functioning in daily life.Front Psychol.2015;6:296. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00296
Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006
Plotka R.Ambivalent attachment. In: Goldstein S, Naglieri JA, eds.Encyclopedia of Child Behavior and Development. Springer US; 2011:81-83. doi:10.1007/978-0-387-79061-9_104
Beeney JE, Wright AG, Stepp SD, et al.Disorganized attachment and personality functioning in adults: a latent class analysis.Personal Disord.2017;8(3):206-216. doi:10.1037/per0000184
Guina J.The talking cure of avoidant personality disorder: remission through earned-secure attachment.APT. 2016;70(3):233-250. doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.2016.70.3.233
Hong YR, Park JS.Impact of attachment, temperament and parenting on human development.Korean J Pediatr.2012;55(12):449-454. doi:10.3345/kjp.2012.55.12.449
Paetzold RL, Rholes WS.The link from child abuse to dissociation: the roles of adult disorganized attachment, self-concept clarity, and reflective functioning.J Trauma Dissociation.2021;22(5):615-635. doi:10.1080/15299732.2020.1869654
APA Dictionary of Psychology.Avoidant attachment.
APA Dictionary of Psychology.Ambivalent attachment.
APA Dictionary of Psychology.Disorganized attachment.
Strauß B, Altmann U, Manes S, et al.Changes of attachment characteristics during psychotherapy of patients with social anxiety disorder: results from the SOPHO-Net trial.PLoS One.2018;13(3):e0192802. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0192802
Lungu A, Linehan MM.Dialectical behavior therapy. In:The Science of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Elsevier; 2017:429-459. doi:10.1016/B978-0-12-803457-6.00018-0
Hudson NW, Chopik WJ, Briley DA.Volitional change in adult attachment: can people who want to become less anxious and avoidant move closer towards realizing those goals?.Eur J Pers. 2020;34(1):93-114. doi:0.1002/per.2226
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