Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDefinitionSignsCopingTreatment
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Definition
Signs
Coping
Treatment
Retroactive jealousy refers to a person’s distress or perceived threat about their partner’s past romantic relationships. This can occur even if their partner is no longer in contact with their exes, the ex-partners have moved on, and they are not interfering with the current relationship.
A tinge of jealousy in a relationship is expected when a partner feels a threat to the relationship. However, jealousy can be problematic when it becomes a pattern ofobsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors.
Read on to learn more about what triggers retroactive jealousy and how to overcome it in your relationship.
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What Is Retroactive Jealousy?
With retroactive jealousy, this perceived threat is the partner’s former relationships or romantic history, even though the perceived threat is not realistic. The jealousy persists even if the partner is not in contact with their former partners and the former partners are not actively interfering with the relationship.
Normal Jealousy vs. Retroactive Jealousy
Curiosity about a partner’s past relationships is normal. A recent study found that participants generally believed it was customary to have photos and other evidence of past relationships on social media.
While not everyone thinks this is normal, looking at these digital remnants of a partner’s past relationships is common.In one study, viewing photos and posts of and about their partner’s past partners and relationships sparked feelings of retroactive jealousy for some people.
Typical feelings of jealousy are momentary and pass without causing harm to the relationship. Retroactive jealousy, however, can become an excessive fixation on the partner’s sexual and romantic past, causing distress to themselves and potentially the relationship.
Causes and Signs
Behaviors associated with retroactive jealousy include:
Retroactive jealousy rarely concerns the partner or their history but rather the person experiencing these thought patterns. The exact cause of a person’s retroactive jealousy may not be known, but factors that may contribute to it include:
What Is Love Bombing?
Retroactive Jealousy and OCD
Retroactive jealousy is not a diagnosable mental health condition. However, severe retroactive jealousy can mimic OCD, which is a mental health condition. Like OCD, retroactive jealousy can involve obsessive thoughts and/or compulsions that interfere with a person’s ability to function in and out of areas related to the relationship.
Obsessive thoughts about a partner’s past can become all-consuming. People will contemplate for long periods about the specifics of their partner’s past relationships, picturing their partner with exes or trying to figure out where, when, or how they had sex.
In an attempt to relieve the anxiety from these obsessive thoughts, a person might engage in unhealthy compulsive behaviors, such as:
What if Your Partner Has Retroactive Jealousy?First and foremost, both of you must recognize that retroactive jealousy is their issue, not yours. It has nothing to do with anything you are doing or have done in your past. Without this recognition, little is going to help.Seeking help and making changes is their responsibility, but if maintaining the relationship is something you both want, you may want to considercouple’s therapy.You must alsoknow your boundaries, communicate them clearly to your partner, and insist they be respected.
What if Your Partner Has Retroactive Jealousy?
First and foremost, both of you must recognize that retroactive jealousy is their issue, not yours. It has nothing to do with anything you are doing or have done in your past. Without this recognition, little is going to help.Seeking help and making changes is their responsibility, but if maintaining the relationship is something you both want, you may want to considercouple’s therapy.You must alsoknow your boundaries, communicate them clearly to your partner, and insist they be respected.
First and foremost, both of you must recognize that retroactive jealousy is their issue, not yours. It has nothing to do with anything you are doing or have done in your past. Without this recognition, little is going to help.
Seeking help and making changes is their responsibility, but if maintaining the relationship is something you both want, you may want to considercouple’s therapy.
You must alsoknow your boundaries, communicate them clearly to your partner, and insist they be respected.
Coping With Retroactive Jealousy
Managing retroactive jealousy depends on the extent of the problem. With milder manifestations, the person may find it helpful to do activities such as:
Open communication is vital in a relationship, and your partner may be willing to help you recognize the issues and support you in getting help. However, it’s essential to understand that jealousy is your issue, not theirs.
Professional help can be beneficialfor anyone with retroactive jealousy, but particularly for those who find it interferes with their functioning, relationship, or mental health.
If you frequently seek reassurance or blame your partner for your jealousy or other unhealthy behaviors, you should seek help, with or without your partner. A mental health professional can help you look for the underlying issues and find ways to address them.
Treatments for retroactive jealousy can share features of treatment approaches to OCD. These may include:
If Your Jealous Partner Becomes AbusiveIf you feel you are in immediate danger, call911. If you need support and resources for yourself or a loved one, call, text, or chat with trained staff at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at1-800-799-SAFE (7233)or visitthehotline.org.
If Your Jealous Partner Becomes Abusive
If you feel you are in immediate danger, call911. If you need support and resources for yourself or a loved one, call, text, or chat with trained staff at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at1-800-799-SAFE (7233)or visitthehotline.org.
Can Retroactive Jealousy Be Cured?
Recognizing that retroactive jealousy is their issue and not their partner’s issue is the first step. Taking responsibility and seeking care can help the person find the underlying reason for the jealousy. Learning healthier ways to handle the distress it causes can go a long way in decreasing the impact of retroactive jealousy on your relationship and your life.
Summary
For treatment to be successful, it is essential the person recognizes and takes responsibility for the issue. Treatment may include medications, relationship counseling, and therapeutic interventions such as CBT, ERP, or ACT.
6 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Frampton JR, Fox J.Social media’s role in romantic partners’ retroactive jealousy: social comparison, uncertainty, and information seeking.Social Media + Society. 2018;4(3):205630511880031. doi:10.1177/2056305118800317Rokach A, VanderVoort D.Posttraumatic relationship syndrome: a treatment model.Journal of Social Distress and the Homelessness. 2007;16(1):22-48. doi:10.1179/sdh.2007.16.1.22Rodriguez LM, DiBello AM, Øverup CS, et al.The price of distrust: trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse.Partner Abuse. 2015;6(3):298-319. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder.Cohen EL, Bowman ND, Borchert K.Private flirts, public friends: understanding romantic jealousy responses to an ambiguous social network site message as a function of message access exclusivity.Computers in Human Behavior. 2014;35:535-541. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2014.02.050Philip J, Cherian V.Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Case Study. Indian J Psychol Med. 2022 Jan;44(1):78-82. doi: 10.1177/0253717621996734
6 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Frampton JR, Fox J.Social media’s role in romantic partners’ retroactive jealousy: social comparison, uncertainty, and information seeking.Social Media + Society. 2018;4(3):205630511880031. doi:10.1177/2056305118800317Rokach A, VanderVoort D.Posttraumatic relationship syndrome: a treatment model.Journal of Social Distress and the Homelessness. 2007;16(1):22-48. doi:10.1179/sdh.2007.16.1.22Rodriguez LM, DiBello AM, Øverup CS, et al.The price of distrust: trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse.Partner Abuse. 2015;6(3):298-319. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder.Cohen EL, Bowman ND, Borchert K.Private flirts, public friends: understanding romantic jealousy responses to an ambiguous social network site message as a function of message access exclusivity.Computers in Human Behavior. 2014;35:535-541. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2014.02.050Philip J, Cherian V.Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Case Study. Indian J Psychol Med. 2022 Jan;44(1):78-82. doi: 10.1177/0253717621996734
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Frampton JR, Fox J.Social media’s role in romantic partners’ retroactive jealousy: social comparison, uncertainty, and information seeking.Social Media + Society. 2018;4(3):205630511880031. doi:10.1177/2056305118800317Rokach A, VanderVoort D.Posttraumatic relationship syndrome: a treatment model.Journal of Social Distress and the Homelessness. 2007;16(1):22-48. doi:10.1179/sdh.2007.16.1.22Rodriguez LM, DiBello AM, Øverup CS, et al.The price of distrust: trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse.Partner Abuse. 2015;6(3):298-319. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder.Cohen EL, Bowman ND, Borchert K.Private flirts, public friends: understanding romantic jealousy responses to an ambiguous social network site message as a function of message access exclusivity.Computers in Human Behavior. 2014;35:535-541. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2014.02.050Philip J, Cherian V.Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Case Study. Indian J Psychol Med. 2022 Jan;44(1):78-82. doi: 10.1177/0253717621996734
Frampton JR, Fox J.Social media’s role in romantic partners’ retroactive jealousy: social comparison, uncertainty, and information seeking.Social Media + Society. 2018;4(3):205630511880031. doi:10.1177/2056305118800317
Rokach A, VanderVoort D.Posttraumatic relationship syndrome: a treatment model.Journal of Social Distress and the Homelessness. 2007;16(1):22-48. doi:10.1179/sdh.2007.16.1.22
Rodriguez LM, DiBello AM, Øverup CS, et al.The price of distrust: trust, anxious attachment, jealousy, and partner abuse.Partner Abuse. 2015;6(3):298-319. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.6.3.298
National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Cohen EL, Bowman ND, Borchert K.Private flirts, public friends: understanding romantic jealousy responses to an ambiguous social network site message as a function of message access exclusivity.Computers in Human Behavior. 2014;35:535-541. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2014.02.050
Philip J, Cherian V.Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Case Study. Indian J Psychol Med. 2022 Jan;44(1):78-82. doi: 10.1177/0253717621996734
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