Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsExamplesTypesWhy It WorksHow to RespondGetting Help
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Signs
Examples
Types
Why It Works
How to Respond
Getting Help
Gaslighting is manipulative emotional and psychological abuse that causes a person to question their reality, memories, instincts, and, ultimately, their sanity. A person gaslights to obtain power and control, which are classic elements ofabuse. Gaslighting often occurs in an intimate partner relationship.
Read on to learn types of gaslighting, how to recognize gaslighting, ways to respond, and how to get help if you’re experiencing gaslighting.
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Where Does the Term Come From?The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 play, “Gaslight,” in which a husband covertly dimmed gas lamps, causing his wife to question her reality and drive her toward madness so he could gain control of her inheritance.
Where Does the Term Come From?
The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 play, “Gaslight,” in which a husband covertly dimmed gas lamps, causing his wife to question her reality and drive her toward madness so he could gain control of her inheritance.
Signs of Gaslighting
People who gaslight seek power and control. They may have witnessed and learned gaslighting growing up, or they may have apersonality disorder.
Gaslighting occurs very gradually over time, so themanipulative behavior’seffects are not usually immediate. Some common signs include:
Gaslighting can also manifest as a kind ofcognitive dissonance, or holding two beliefs at the same time that don’t fit. This creates strong feelings of confusion,anxiety, discomfort, or powerlessness.
Examples of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is subtle, subversiveabusive behaviorthat may go on for years in long-term relationships. One way to detect it is to observe patterns of behavior over time. The following are a few examples.
Lying
People lie to conceal the truth, but with gaslighting, the behavior also manipulates another’s reality and throws them off balance.
Examples include:
Discrediting
Trivializing
People who gaslight will trivialize or minimize a person’s feelings to gain power.
Withholding
People who gaslight may withhold in the relationship. This may involve a cycle of giving then withholding affection, sex, compliments, money, or even celebrating special occasions.
This cycle introduces confusion and cognitive dissonance and may intermittently activate the reward system in the brain of the partner who is being gaslit. The pattern of intermittent reinforcement is part oftrauma bonding.
Diverting
The person who gaslights will change the subject to divert attention from their behavior. They may pretend not to understand, interrupt, or shut down the conversation.
Stereotyping
People who gaslight exploit stereotypes and vulnerabilities, especially related to imbalances of power with regard to race, religion, age, sex, gender, and nationality.
Shifting Blame
A person who gaslights will shift blame to others in order to avoid responsibility.
Help Is AvailableIf you or a loved one are experiencing domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
Help Is Available
If you or a loved one are experiencing domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
Types of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is an insidious pattern of control, and while it most often occurs in intimate relationships, it can occur in many other contexts. That said, it frequently occurs in relationships where there is an unequal power dynamic; the person with more power is often the perpetrator.
Intimate Relationships
Gaslighting is not gender-specific, but some researchers indicate that in heterosexual relationships where gaslighting is present, men are more likely to gaslight and women are more likely to experience it.
Child-Parent Relationships
Gaslighting is often a learned behavior that children experience first at home. Gaslighting can occur within the family system, between children and parents.
Medical Relationships
Racial Gaslighting
Racial gaslighting incorporates the same principles of manipulation in intimate partner gaslighting. It is accomplished through perpetuating false or dismissive narratives about the reality and lived experiences of different racial groups in favor of the reality of the dominant power structure.
Political Gaslighting
Gaslighting can be a political strategy. It involves manipulating the sense of reality to amplify power and seek political domination, while using gaslighting tactics to weaken the perception of the opponent.
Institutional Gaslighting
Why Gaslighting Works
Gaslighting works because it is subtle emotional abuse that happens gradually. The behavior usually begins in a relationship where trust has already been established. Because it happens slowly, the person who is being gaslit may not realize that the abuse is happening and will not question it.
Over time, gaslighting erodes a person’s trust in their judgment and self-worth and causes them to question their actions, motivations, and even their sanity. This makes them more dependent on the abusive person and less likely to leave the relationship.
The person being gaslit eventually becomes isolated,depressed, confused, andanxious.
When facing gaslighting, setting boundaries and remaining calm, assertive, and non-reactive may be helpful. Some suggestions of ways to respond include:
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
When gaslighting becomes abusive, it’s essential to seek help.
If you suspect that you are being mistreated, it may help to journal your thoughts to gain clarity and have evidence of the behavior.
It may also help to talk to people you trust in your community, or a mental health provider you connect with to gain support, coping skills, and, if needed,trauma therapy.
Remember: Help Is AvailableYou can contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineonline or call1-800-662-4357for more information on how to find support and treatment options specific to your geographic area.If you are experiencing domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233.
Remember: Help Is Available
You can contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineonline or call1-800-662-4357for more information on how to find support and treatment options specific to your geographic area.If you are experiencing domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233.
You can contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineonline or call1-800-662-4357for more information on how to find support and treatment options specific to your geographic area.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233.
Summary
Gaslighting is recurring psychological manipulation that causes a person to question their reality, instincts, feelings, and even their sanity. It is often present in intimate partner relationships, but it can also occur in family relationships, healthcare appointments, and institutional environments.
Gaslighting can manifest as lying, discrediting, blaming, trivializing, withholding, or diverting.
People who are consistently feeling gaslit or believe the gaslighting has escalated into abuse can seek help from theNational Domestic Violence Hotline, mental health professionals, or other trusted community resources.
9 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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Ahern K.Institutional betrayal and gaslighting: why whistle-blowers are so traumatized.J Perinat Neonatal Nurs.2018;32(1):59-65. doi:10.1097/JPN.0000000000000306
National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is gaslighting?
Vaidis DC, Bran A.Respectable challenges to respectable theory: cognitive dissonance theory requires conceptualization clarification and operational tools.Front Psychol. 2019;10:1189. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01189
Sweet PL.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Sociol Rev.2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843
Foundation for Post-Traumatic Healing and Complex Trauma Research.Medical and mental health gaslighting and iatrogenic injury.
Davis A, Ernst R.Racial gaslighting.Polit Groups Identities. 2017;7(4):761-774. doi:10.1080/21565503.2017.1403934
National Domestic Violence Hotline.A deeper look into gaslighting.
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