Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Verbal Abuse?SignsTypesWhat to DoSupport
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Is Verbal Abuse?
Signs
Types
What to Do
Support
Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse where a person uses their words to manipulate and control the other person. Verbal abuse can occur in romantic relationships, between a parent and a child, or at work.
Statistics suggest that 12.1% of women and 17.3% of men experience verbal abuse in romantic relationships.As many as 13.1% of men and 12.4% of women experience verbal abuse regularly at work.
Rates of verbal abuse against children aren’t well known, but the World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that over 1 billion children experience some type of abuse, including verbal abuse.
This article discusses the common signs of verbal abuse, the types, and how to seek help.
Verbal abuse is a form of mental abuse that is designed to undermine a person and how they feel about themselves. It is used to maintain a level of control or power over the other person.
“Abuse” is the term used to describe acts or behaviors that are damaging in nature. They are done to purposely cause physical or emotional harm to a person.
The terms “verbal abuse” and “emotional abuse” are often used interchangeably to describe the same type of abuse. However, even though the two are similar, there are distinct characteristics of each one.
Verbal abuse is often a warning sign that physical abuse may follow.Research on intimate partner violence shows a strong correlation between verbal abuse and physical abuse. One study found women who experience physical abuse are 10 times more likely to experience verbal or emotional abuse as well.
Are All Forms of Abuse Equal?While many people who have suffered abuse may believe that one form is less damaging than the other, all forms of abuse are wrong and can lead to detrimental consequences for the person being abused.
Are All Forms of Abuse Equal?
While many people who have suffered abuse may believe that one form is less damaging than the other, all forms of abuse are wrong and can lead to detrimental consequences for the person being abused.
What Are the Signs of Verbal Abuse?
It can be hard to identify verbal abuse. One reason for this is that some people may have a higher tolerance threshold for this type of abuse. They don’t see being called stupid, for instance, as being that big of a deal, while most people would.
Another reason is the abuser may have used manipulation tactics to make the person being abused feel like they are at fault for the abusive treatment. The following are signs of verbal abuse.
Being called a name is a form of verbal abuse. Even if they are not screaming in your face or if they are using a playful tone, name-calling is designed to make you feel bad about yourself. An example of this could be when a parent calls their child stupid after bringing home a poor report card.
Gaslighting
When a person goes out of their way to make you seem or feel crazy, they are gaslighting you. An example of this is when you make plans with your partner to meet at a certain time. They show up three hours late, and an argument ensues.
During the argument, they deny that you set the agreed-upon time. By the time the argument ends, you may believe that you were mistaken and you somehow forgot the right time to meet.
Gaslighting is especially harmful because it can lead the abused person to feel as though they can’t trust their own thoughts or judgments.
Yelling or Screaming
When someone raises their voice to you, it is a form of verbal abuse designed to make you feel intimidated or scared of what might happen next. The abuser’s main goal is to control you so you submit to what they want.
What’s the Difference Between a Fight and Verbal Abuse?It can be hard to tell the difference between regular disagreeing and verbal abuse. That being said, when normal fighting does occur, there is a level of respect that is still there. Signs of verbal abuse such as name-calling or threatening will not be a part of a normal heated discussion.Verbal abuse, separate from disagreement, is typically done with the goal of gaining power or control over the other person—or to otherwise cause harm.
What’s the Difference Between a Fight and Verbal Abuse?
It can be hard to tell the difference between regular disagreeing and verbal abuse. That being said, when normal fighting does occur, there is a level of respect that is still there. Signs of verbal abuse such as name-calling or threatening will not be a part of a normal heated discussion.Verbal abuse, separate from disagreement, is typically done with the goal of gaining power or control over the other person—or to otherwise cause harm.
It can be hard to tell the difference between regular disagreeing and verbal abuse. That being said, when normal fighting does occur, there is a level of respect that is still there. Signs of verbal abuse such as name-calling or threatening will not be a part of a normal heated discussion.
Verbal abuse, separate from disagreement, is typically done with the goal of gaining power or control over the other person—or to otherwise cause harm.
Criticizing
Criticism can come in many forms. Someone may be direct and blunt with their criticism, such as asking, “Why are you so lazy?”
Other times, criticism can come in the form of a joke. Typically abusers will say something hurtful and try to disguise it as a joke so they can get away with making you feel vulnerable or bad about certain aspects of yourself.
An example of this type of criticism is if an abuser takes an insecurity of yours and changes it into a nickname. They say that it’s a term of endearment, but it is verbal abuse.
Shame or Humiliation
When an abuser wants to make you feel bad about yourself in a way that controls you, they will privately or publicly shame or humiliate you. Their main goal is to make you feel bad or ashamed about yourself, the way you look, your intelligence, or any other characteristic you have.
Threats
Any type of threat is verbal abuse. If someone threatens you, what they’re saying is that they want to control and manipulate you and that is how they are going to go about it. Threats are designed to invoke fear in the person being abused so that they will submit to their abuser’s demands.
Isolation and Control
Isolation is a control tactic abusers use to separate you from your support systems.
An abuser may try to prevent you from seeing friends, family members, or peers altogether. They may encourage you to quit your job or drop out of school as a way to remove outside influences.
They may also isolate you financially and control all the money in the relationship. The abuser may make all financial decisions without discussion, refuse to provide money for necessities, and not allow you access to bank accounts.
This is financial abuse. The abuser does this to ensure you do not have your own resources, are dependent upon them, and, therefore, are unable to leave.
Blame and Accusations
Another sign of verbal abuse is when a person tries to blame you for their behavior. “Look what you made me do” is a common refrain.
Such accusations are, sadly, a common part of the verbal abuse cycle. In a romantic relationship, they may accuse you of cheating or lying when, in fact, they are the one who is cheating and lying. They may also try to blame you for their cheating.
Emotional Manipulations
Emotional manipulation uses dishonest tactics to try to manage someone else’s thoughts, behaviors, and emotions for their own self-interest.
Emotional manipulators often use mind games to seize power and control in a relationship. The signs can be subtle and hard to identify, especially when it is happening to you.
Emotional manipulation can look like:
Verywell / Theresa Chiechi
Types of Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse occurs in many relationships, both personal and professional.
In a Relationship
Domestic verbal abuse occurs when one partner verbally abuses their partner to gain control over them or the relationship. Verbal assaults such as name-calling or hurling insults are a form of verbal abuse.
Verbal and emotional abuse are incredibly common in the United States, and studies have shown that these types of nonphysical abuse are the most common forms of abuse in romantic relationships.
While abuse is largely looked at as something that only happens to women because of the long-heldstigmasurrounding men and abuse, research has shown that when it comes to verbal abuse, the majority of victims are men.
In young adult relationships, verbal abuse is highly common, with over 50% of people having reported verbal abuse while in a relationship as a young adult.Research shows that as people age, verbal abuse tends to decrease, but it is still a highly common issue.
Every aspect of a person’s life, including their work, schooling, personal relationships, and how they take care of themselves, can all be negatively impacted.
From a Parent
One study looked at whether verbal affection during childhood from the verbally abusive parent or the other parent could help mitigate the effect of verbal abuse. It found that no matter how much verbal affection the child received, the effects of verbal abuse were still present.
The same study showed that verbal abuse during childhood could cause the same extent of psychological damage as witnessing domestic violence and being sexually abused.
Some long-term consequences of childhood verbal abuse include:
More than 50% of children who are abused as children also experience abuse in adulthood.
Signs a Child Is Being Verbally Abused at Home
It can be difficult to tell if a child is being verbally abused at home, but common signs include:
At Work
Workplace verbal abuse isn’t as common as verbal abuse in childhood or romantic relationships, but it does still occur. Roughly one in five Americans have been verbally abused at their workplace.
Being verbally abused at your place of employment can cause extreme stress because not only do you have to be there, but you likely cannot defend yourself in a meaningful way while still being professional. Some forms of verbal abuse at work might include:
Some effects of workplace verbal abuse include:
Verbal Abuse QuotesThere are many examples of verbal abuse. Things a person might say if they are being verbally abusive include:“You’re stupid.““Let me explain it in a way that anyone can understand because you really aren’t getting it.““Can’t you do anything right?““I made you what you are and you’d be nothing without me.““If you don’t do this, you’re going to regret it.““If you weren’t so stupid, I wouldn’t have to act like this.”
Verbal Abuse Quotes
There are many examples of verbal abuse. Things a person might say if they are being verbally abusive include:“You’re stupid.““Let me explain it in a way that anyone can understand because you really aren’t getting it.““Can’t you do anything right?““I made you what you are and you’d be nothing without me.““If you don’t do this, you’re going to regret it.““If you weren’t so stupid, I wouldn’t have to act like this.”
There are many examples of verbal abuse. Things a person might say if they are being verbally abusive include:
If you recognize the signs of verbal abuse in a relationship, seek help. Verbal abuse often escalates over time and should not be ignored. Things you can do to protect yourself include:
What if You Are the Abuser?
If you recognize your own behavior in some of the signs of verbal abuse, it is not too late to change.
Noticing that you exhibit signs of verbal abuse can be a scary realization. Oftentimes, adults who have abusive tendencies develop them because of childhood patterns of abuse that occurred either to them or in their homes.
Recognizing that you act in abusive ways is the first step to fixing your behaviors. Seek the assistance of a trained therapist to help you identify why you respond in this way and what you can do to change your patterns.
Seeking Help? Mental Health Hotlines Offer a First Step
Support and Resources
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse from an intimate partner, you can call theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat800-799-SAFE(7233) for assistance. If the situation is an emergency and you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Other places where you can find support include:
Summary
Verbal abuse is a form of abuse in which a person says things that are critical, demeaning, shameful, threatening, or unkind. It is done to manipulate and control the other person.
Verbal abuse can occur in any kind of relationship, including romantic, familial, or in the workplace. Verbal abuse can be hard to spot, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t as damaging as other forms of abuse. Some signs of verbal abuse, like yelling, screaming, or cursing at a person, are obvious, but others are more subtle.
A person who is verbally abusive may use manipulation tactics like accusations, blame, gaslighting, humiliation, or isolation. They may start out appearing generous, loving, and supportive but later use those acts of kindness as a reason to keep you indebted to them.
If you see signs of verbal abuse in a relationship, seek professional support. Verbal abuse is often a precursor to physical abuse. Verbal abuse in the workplace should be reported to the Human Resources department.
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