Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy WriteWhen Not to WriteGuidelinesLetter ComponentsSample LetterSympathy Notes
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Why Write
When Not to Write
Guidelines
Letter Components
Sample Letter
Sympathy Notes
A condolence letter is a note expressing your sympathy. It can be a great source of comfort for someonegrieving the loss of a loved one. A condolence letter is a simple but powerful gesture that lets someone know they’re in your thoughts during a difficult time.
Finding the right words to say whensomeone’s mourning a deathcan be hard. This article explains why you might want to write a condolence letter, offers basic guidelines to follow, and includes a sample note that you can reference when writing your own condolence letter.
Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin
Reasons to Write a Condolence Letter
It’s easy to pick up a mass-produced sympathy card from a local store, but writing one with your own personal, heartfelt words is often more meaningful. A condolence card shows a person who is mourning that they matter to you.
Taking the time to handwrite a letter can comfort someone who has lost a loved one. Writing a personal letter also gives you the chance to share a special memory you might have of the deceased. You can also take this time to offer to talk or help in the weeks and months ahead.
Condolence Letter vs. Sympathy NoteThe difference between a condolence letter and a sympathy note is the length. For example, a note might be a few sentences, while letters could be a few paragraphs.It’s your choice which you choose to write and depends on your relationship with the person. You may find you start out writing a note and end up feeling the need to say a lot more.
Condolence Letter vs. Sympathy Note
The difference between a condolence letter and a sympathy note is the length. For example, a note might be a few sentences, while letters could be a few paragraphs.It’s your choice which you choose to write and depends on your relationship with the person. You may find you start out writing a note and end up feeling the need to say a lot more.
The difference between a condolence letter and a sympathy note is the length. For example, a note might be a few sentences, while letters could be a few paragraphs.
It’s your choice which you choose to write and depends on your relationship with the person. You may find you start out writing a note and end up feeling the need to say a lot more.
Offer Support
Too often, people say, “Call me if you need me.” While it may be well-meaning, offering help in this way puts the burden of calling on the person who is grieving.
Instead, be specific about how you can lend a hand. For example, you might write, “Can I bring dinner over next Wednesday?” or “I’d love to mow your lawn next week.”
Stay in Touch
In the first few weeks following a loved one’s death, it’s not uncommon for people to feel like they’re still mourning, but everyone else seems to have forgotten. In addition to writing a condolence note right after a person has died, you may want to note on your calendar a time to follow up. For example, you might want to send another note or call in a couple of months to check in with the person who is grieving.
So, in addition to writing an initial condolence note, you may also wish to mark your calendar for, say three months and six months from now. Then, you can make contact again.
When Not to Write a Letter
Condolence letters can be a great comfort to people who have experienced a loss, but it’s not always appropriate for you to send one. You need to think about your relationship with the person who died as well as their loved ones.
For example, a lengthy condolence letter could be too personal if you were barely acquainted and don’t know their loved ones at all. In some cases (for example, after the death of a coworker), a short note might do.
You also need to be honest about and respect what your relationship was like. If it was complicated or negative, a condolence letter could feel intrusive. To avoid making anyone feel uncomfortable, you could honor the person’s memory in a less personal way—for example, anonymously contributing to a memory fund they’ve set up or sending flowers to the funeral home.
Condolence Letter Guidelines
Deciding to write a letter is often easier than actually writing it. Here are some tips on when, where, and how to write and send a condolence letter.
When to Write
Try to write and send your sympathy letter as soon as possible—ideally, within the first two weeks after a person dies.
If you’ve passed that time, still write a note. It may even be extra helpful to loved ones who are still grieving even though they feel like the rest of the world has forgotten or “moved on” from a person’s death.
How to Write
Don’t pressure yourself to write the note you’re going to send on your first try. You can do a few practice runs until it feels right.
Here are a few tips for writing a condolence letter:
6 Components of a Condolence Letter
Condolence letters have six parts.
How to Deliver
Funeral or burial servicestypically take place within the first couple of weeks after a person dies.
If you will be going to the service, you can bring your condolence letter with you. There is often a basket or collection box for sympathy cards at the service.
You can mail your note, but remember that many tasks have to be donefollowing a death. Therefore, a deceased person’s loved one may not open your note right away.
Putting a sympathy card in a basket at a memorial service allows them to read through condolences at a time they feel ready.
A Sample Condolence Letter
Here’s a sample condolence letter to help you organize your thoughts.
You do not need to follow the template exactly. You may only want to use parts of it. You can reorganize, add, or delete sections as you write your letter.
Template
Dear _____________,
[Express your sympathy]I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you, but please know that I care about you.(Keep in mind, you really have no idea how the person is feeling, and they will find comfort in knowing that you are aware of that).
[Note one or more of the deceased’s special qualities]____________ was such a kind, gentle soul who would _________[example: …help lift someone’s spirits, help a friend in need, help a child, etc…]
[Include your favorite memory]I remember the time that _________________.
[Offer to help the survivor in a specific way]Maybe you could use your scrapbooking talent to make a memory book of _________________? If you would like, I can come over on[suggested date, time]to help you put it together. I have some wonderful pictures of _______________ that I’d love to share with you as well as several personal memories of how they[example: …helped my family].
Please know that I will always be here to support you,
[Sign your name] _____________________
How to Write a Sympathy Note
A handwritten sympathy note is a shorter version of a condolence letter. It can be just as meaningful and is often a nice touch to include inside a sympathy card.
When writing a condolence note, pick just a few elements from the steps to writing a condolence letter. For example:
How to Write an Obituary
Summary
A condolence letter is a way to express your sympathy and offer support to loved ones after someone dies. However, think about your relationship with the person who has died and their loved ones. In some cases, it might be better to just write a shorter sympathy note.
Letters or other check-ins that come in the months after a person has died are often reassuring and comforting for loved ones who might be feeling that the world has forgotten or moved on after a person’s death.
You can use a few or none of the components shown above in your sympathy letter. The most important thing is that you write from your heart.
2 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kentish-Barnes N, Chevret S, Champigneulle B, et al.Effect of a condolence letter on grief symptoms among relatives of patients who died in the ICU: a randomized clinical trial.Intensive Care Med. 2017;43(4):473-484. doi:10.1007/s00134-016-4669-9St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.How to write a condolence letter.
2 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kentish-Barnes N, Chevret S, Champigneulle B, et al.Effect of a condolence letter on grief symptoms among relatives of patients who died in the ICU: a randomized clinical trial.Intensive Care Med. 2017;43(4):473-484. doi:10.1007/s00134-016-4669-9St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.How to write a condolence letter.
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Kentish-Barnes N, Chevret S, Champigneulle B, et al.Effect of a condolence letter on grief symptoms among relatives of patients who died in the ICU: a randomized clinical trial.Intensive Care Med. 2017;43(4):473-484. doi:10.1007/s00134-016-4669-9St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.How to write a condolence letter.
Kentish-Barnes N, Chevret S, Champigneulle B, et al.Effect of a condolence letter on grief symptoms among relatives of patients who died in the ICU: a randomized clinical trial.Intensive Care Med. 2017;43(4):473-484. doi:10.1007/s00134-016-4669-9
St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.How to write a condolence letter.
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