Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsIs It Abuse?What to DoGetting HelpEmotional Abuse Signs
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Is It Abuse?
What to Do
Getting Help
Emotional Abuse Signs
Some people use “silent treatment” abuse to manipulate and control their loved ones. The silent treatment is a form ofemotional abuse.
It’s normal to not want to talk to someone when you are angry or frustrated, but it’s usually a temporary situation that will resolve. However, if a person regularly uses the silent treatment to influence or control you, then they are being emotionally abusive.
Physical violence, yelling, or intimidation can be clear signs of abuse, but an abusive relationship can also be silent.
This article will discuss why the silent treatment can beabusiveand will go over the steps you can take if you’re being emotionally abused in this way.
PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou / Getty Images
When Is the Silent Treatment Abusive?
Emotional abuse is a series of behaviors and actions that are meant to erode a person’s self-esteem and self-worth. Over time, that behavior can make people more dependent on an abuser.
The silent treatment is when one person refuses to talk to or otherwise communicate with someone else. While it can be normal to take a little time to “cool down” after an argument or frustrating conversation, the silent treatment is a longer-term strategy that’s used to punish or control another person. This is known as silent treatment abuse.
Here’s how you can know whether the silent treatment you’re experiencing is one of the signs of emotional abuse.
Why Does the Silent Treatment Hurt So Much?Research shows that being excluded activates the same areas of the brain as when you experience physical abuse. Humans are social creatures, so being intentionally excluded can be extremely hurtful.
Why Does the Silent Treatment Hurt So Much?
Research shows that being excluded activates the same areas of the brain as when you experience physical abuse. Humans are social creatures, so being intentionally excluded can be extremely hurtful.
Top Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse
Control
Emotional abuse is carried out, at least in part, to control a person’s behavior. Oftentimes, emotional abusers use their actions to make their target feel “less than.” These actions can also be used to try to make someone dependent on an abuser.
If someone is giving you the silent treatment to control your actions, they are using silent treatment abuse. For example, the person might say, they’re “not speaking to you until you apologize” or they “won’t speak to you if you go out with friends.” In these examples, they are using the silent treatment to control your behavior—and that’s not OK.
Manipulation
Abusers can use the silent treatment to manipulate you to do certain things. For example, they may give you the silent treatment to try to make you give them sex or money. If a person is giving you the silent treatment to gain something for themselves, it’s emotionally abusive behavior.
Length of Silent Treatment
Taking some space to clear your head after a heated argument can be a helpful coping mechanism. It may prevent you from accidentally doing or saying something hurtful. However, if the silent treatment stretches on or is regularly used to avoid important conversations, it is not a supportive or useful function in a relationship.
Exclusion
If someone is emotionally abusing you, it is not your fault. It’s also not your responsibility to try to “fix” them or put a stop to their behaviors. Nothing you say or do should cause someone to use silent treatment abuse against you.
You are not alone. About 95% of people who called the National Domestic Violence Hotline in 2020 were experiencing emotional abuse.Turn to someone you trust and tell them what is going on. You can also reach out to a healthcare provider or a mental health professional for support.
How to Get HelpEmotional abuse is abuse. If you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, text “START” to 88788, or visit thewebsiteto chat.
How to Get Help
Emotional abuse is abuse. If you need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, text “START” to 88788, or visit thewebsiteto chat.
If someone has been using the silent treatment against you and you feel that you can safely talk to them about it, here are a few steps to help you have a productive conversation.
How to Recognize Narcissistic Abuse
Calmly Express How You Feel
Choose a calm time—not when you’re being given the silent treatment—to tell the person exactly how it makes you feel when they refuse to communicate with you. Let them know that it feels hurtful and abusive.
Set Expectations
Set clear rules for communication with other people in your life, especially during arguments. For example, it’s OK to take time to cool off, but set limits. You could agree to make room for an hour-long “time out” from an argument. You and your partner may want to agree that if you’ve fought, you’ll always talk to each other before bed.
Establish Boundaries
Set boundaries about silent treatment abuse. Let the other person know what the consequences will be if they continue to give you the silent treatment. When your boundaries are violated, make sure that you stick to them and take action.
Emotional Abuse: Signs of Mental Abuse and What to Do
When to Seek Help
If you think you are being emotionally abused, know that you are not alone. Reach out to a trusted healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. If you are using the silent treatment to manipulate others, you can get help to change your behavior and improve your relationships.
Other Signs of Emotional Abuse
The signs of emotional abuse are more nuanced than the signs of physical abuse. In addition to the silent treatment, emotional abuse can include:
Types and Signs of Abuse
Summary
The silent treatment can be emotional abuse when someone is using it to manipulate you. It’s not uncommon to feel like you need “a break” from talking to someone that you’re upset with, but if the conflict isn’t resolved and the silence continues, it can be a form of abuse. If you are experiencing emotional abuse, reach out to someone you trust for help.
6 Signs of Verbal Abuse You Need To Know
5 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Relationships Australia.Is giving your partner the silent treatment ever ok?Schrodt P, Witt P, Shimkowski J.A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes.Communication Monographs, 2014;81(1):28. doi:10.1080/03637751.2013.813632National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?APA.The pain of social rejection.APA.Manipulation.
5 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Relationships Australia.Is giving your partner the silent treatment ever ok?Schrodt P, Witt P, Shimkowski J.A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes.Communication Monographs, 2014;81(1):28. doi:10.1080/03637751.2013.813632National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?APA.The pain of social rejection.APA.Manipulation.
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Relationships Australia.Is giving your partner the silent treatment ever ok?Schrodt P, Witt P, Shimkowski J.A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes.Communication Monographs, 2014;81(1):28. doi:10.1080/03637751.2013.813632National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?APA.The pain of social rejection.APA.Manipulation.
Relationships Australia.Is giving your partner the silent treatment ever ok?
Schrodt P, Witt P, Shimkowski J.A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes.Communication Monographs, 2014;81(1):28. doi:10.1080/03637751.2013.813632
National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?
APA.The pain of social rejection.
APA.Manipulation.
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