Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsEducationPartner NotificationDealing With StigmaPreventionPregnancy and FamilySeeking Support

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Education

Partner Notification

Dealing With Stigma

Prevention

Pregnancy and Family

Seeking Support

It can be distressing to be diagnosed withgenital herpes, not only because of the pain and discomfort outbreaks can cause but also because of the stigma many people feel after learning they have an incurablesexually transmitted infection (STI).

Living with herpes has its challenges, but with treatment, education, support, and lifestyle choices, you can maintain a healthy and normal life.

Nusha Ashjaee / Verywell

Living with herpes.

This article offers advice on how to cope with a genital herpes diagnosis, including ways to overcome stigma and disclose your status to others. It also discusses ways to prevent the spread of the virus through sex and pregnancy.

Can a Cold Sore Cause Genital Herpes?

Herpes Education

If you’ve been diagnosed with genital herpes, try not to panic. You were probably diagnosed because you experienced a first outbreak, also known as theprimary infection.

After your diagnosis, your healthcare provider will prescribeantiviral drugsto bring the virus under control. It is important to understand how to take and store the drugs, including when to dispose of expired drugs.

To begin normalizing herpes in your life, it is important to educate yourself. Ask your healthcare provider questions and seek quality educational materials to better understand:

Verywell / Emily Roberts

How to Treat a Herpes Outbreak

Is It a Cold Sore or Herpes?

Although you may be encouraged to notify sexual partners of your diagnosis, genital herpes is generally not anotifiable disease. This refers to diseases that healthcare providers are required to report to their state or local health department. Examples of notifiable diseases include lead poisoning, hepatitis A, chlamydia, and syphilis.

Notifying sexual partners allows them toget testedand seek treatment if needed, which helps reduce the further spread of infection.

If you are uncomfortable with notifying a sexual partner, you can ask your healthcare provider to do so for you or with you.

With that said, not everyone with HSV-2 gets symptoms. This is referred to as anasymptomatic infection, meaning that you have the virus without the outbreak. Even so, they can still pass the virus to others through a process called asymptomatic viral shedding.

Asymptomatic shedding occurs when HSV-2 accumulates on the skin without any outward symptoms. This can happen at any time, and there is no way to predict when shedding might start. Most people get herpes through asymptomatic shedding.

Disclosing Your Status

Telling your partner you have genital herpes may be one of the hardest things about living with the virus. Whether you’ve been together for years or the relationship is new, the conversation can be difficult. Still, it is one you need to have.

To prepare for the discussion, it’s important to be comfortable with all relevant information about herpes. This includes knowing how herpes is transmitted and ways to reduce the risk of transmission.

Short of violence and abuse, accept that any emotional reaction is possible and try not to take the reaction too personally. If needed, give your partner a day or two to wrap their heads around the news before bombarding them with too much information.

Whether you’ve been together for years or are just starting a new relationship, recommend that your partner get tested—not only for herpes but for other STIs as well.

Recommended STI ScreeningsThe following STI screenings are recommended in the United States:All sexually active people between the ages of 13 and 64 are advised to get anHIV testas part of a routine medical visit.All sexually active females under 25 should be tested forgonorrheaandchlamydiaevery year.All sexually activemen who have sex with men (MSM)should be tested at least once yearly for HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, andsyphilis.

The following STI screenings are recommended in the United States:All sexually active people between the ages of 13 and 64 are advised to get anHIV testas part of a routine medical visit.All sexually active females under 25 should be tested forgonorrheaandchlamydiaevery year.All sexually activemen who have sex with men (MSM)should be tested at least once yearly for HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, andsyphilis.

The following STI screenings are recommended in the United States:

By knowing the status of both partners, couples can use safer sex strategies to protect each other and seek treatment for the STIs that can be cured.

How to Tell a Partner You Have Herpes

When you are first diagnosed with genital herpes, you may want to find someone to blame. Try to resist this impulse. Most people with herpes don’t have any symptoms, so your partner may not realize that they are infectious and a carrier of the disease.

It is important to recognize that blame is at the heart ofherpes stigma. People are often called “promiscuous,” “irresponsible,” or “dirty” for getting an STI. By seeking to blame others, you are perpetuating the stigma.

How to Cope With Herpes Stigma

Preventing Herpes

A herpes diagnosis doesn’t mean the end of your sex life. Some strategies can significantly reduce the risk of infection to your partner over the long term.

The consistent and proper use of barrier protection is a good place to start. This includesexternal (male) condoms,internal (female) condoms, anddental dams(used as a barrier for oral sex).

With that said, condoms and dental dams do not offer 100% protection against herpes. This is because the virus can be passed through skin-to-skin contact and not all skin can be covered with a condom or dental dam.

To further reduce the risk of transmission, you should avoid having vaginal, anal, or oral sex during an active outbreak. You should also stop having sex as soon as you feel an outbreak coming on. This is called theprodromal phaseand the virus is actively being shed. Prodromal symptoms are non-specific and can develop hours or days before an outbreak.

Early Signs of Herpes OutbreakProdromal symptoms of genital herpes may include:Localized genital painItching, tingling, or shooting pains in the legs, hips, or buttocksSwollen lymph nodes in the groinMild flu-like symptoms (including headache, muscle aches, and fever)

Early Signs of Herpes Outbreak

Prodromal symptoms of genital herpes may include:Localized genital painItching, tingling, or shooting pains in the legs, hips, or buttocksSwollen lymph nodes in the groinMild flu-like symptoms (including headache, muscle aches, and fever)

Prodromal symptoms of genital herpes may include:

Suppressive herpes therapy is recommended for couples where one partner has HSV-2 and the other does not.

Dating When You Have Herpes

You can get pregnant and have children if you have herpes. Pregnant people with a uterus may be advised to start suppressive therapy a month before their due date to keep the virus fully suppressed.

Is Vaginal Birth Safe for Women With Genital Herpes?

Getting to the point where you can wrap your head around a herpes diagnosis can take time. Keeping the news pent up may only add to the stress. Learning to cope can reduce the stress that may actually contribute to a herpes outbreak.

To better cope with the diagnosis, seek support from a friend, family member, or colleague you can trust. Find someone who you know will protect your confidentiality and won’t be judgmental or an alarmist.

If you can’t find someone from your family or within your social circles, seek support from a counselor or a support group. Both in-person and online herpes support groups understand what you are going through and can offer advice, support, and medical referrals.

If you are still unable to cope and are feeling anxiety or depression, do not hesitate to ask your healthcare provider for a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist who can offer one-on-one or group counseling. If needed, medications can be prescribed to treat extreme anxiety or depression.

Summary

By educating yourself, you will be better equipped to disclose the diagnosis to sexual partners and help them seek testing and treatment if needed. It can also help you overcome stigma and chart a path forward that can involve dating, family, and children.

If you are struggling to cope, seek support from loved ones, support groups, or healthcare professionals.

11 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Tronstein E.Genital shedding of herpes simplex virus among symptomatic and asymptomatic persons with HSV-2 infection.JAMA. 2011;305(14):1441. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.420Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Herpes patient guide.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Getting tested for STIs.James C, Harfouche M, Welton NJ, et al.Herpes simplex virus: global infection prevalence and incidence estimates, 2016.Bull World Health Organ. 2020;98(5):315-329. doi:10.2471/BLT.19.237149Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About genital herpes.Sauerbrei A.Herpes genitalis: diagnosis, treatment and prevention.Geburtshilfe Frauenheilkd.2016 Dec;76(12):1310–7. doi:10.1055/s-0042-116494UpToDate.Patient education: genital herpes (beyond the basics).Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Genital herpes.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Sexually transmitted infections treatment guidelines, 2021.Straface G, Selmin A, Zanardo V, De Santis M, Ercoli A, Scambia G.Herpes simplex virus infection in pregnancy.Infect Dis Obstet Gynecol.2012;2012:385697. doi:10.1155/2012/385697Strachan E, Saracino M, Selke S, Margaret A, Buchwald D, Wald A.The effects of daily distress and personality on genital HSV shedding and lesions in a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled, crossover trial of acyclovir in HSV-2 seropositive women.Brain Behav Immun. 2011;25(7):1475-81. doi: 10.1016/j.bbi.2011.06.003

11 Sources

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Tronstein E.Genital shedding of herpes simplex virus among symptomatic and asymptomatic persons with HSV-2 infection.JAMA. 2011;305(14):1441. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.420Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Herpes patient guide.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Getting tested for STIs.James C, Harfouche M, Welton NJ, et al.Herpes simplex virus: global infection prevalence and incidence estimates, 2016.Bull World Health Organ. 2020;98(5):315-329. doi:10.2471/BLT.19.237149Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About genital herpes.Sauerbrei A.Herpes genitalis: diagnosis, treatment and prevention.Geburtshilfe Frauenheilkd.2016 Dec;76(12):1310–7. doi:10.1055/s-0042-116494UpToDate.Patient education: genital herpes (beyond the basics).Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Genital herpes.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Sexually transmitted infections treatment guidelines, 2021.Straface G, Selmin A, Zanardo V, De Santis M, Ercoli A, Scambia G.Herpes simplex virus infection in pregnancy.Infect Dis Obstet Gynecol.2012;2012:385697. doi:10.1155/2012/385697Strachan E, Saracino M, Selke S, Margaret A, Buchwald D, Wald A.The effects of daily distress and personality on genital HSV shedding and lesions in a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled, crossover trial of acyclovir in HSV-2 seropositive women.Brain Behav Immun. 2011;25(7):1475-81. doi: 10.1016/j.bbi.2011.06.003

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Tronstein E.Genital shedding of herpes simplex virus among symptomatic and asymptomatic persons with HSV-2 infection.JAMA. 2011;305(14):1441. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.420Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Herpes patient guide.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Getting tested for STIs.James C, Harfouche M, Welton NJ, et al.Herpes simplex virus: global infection prevalence and incidence estimates, 2016.Bull World Health Organ. 2020;98(5):315-329. doi:10.2471/BLT.19.237149Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About genital herpes.Sauerbrei A.Herpes genitalis: diagnosis, treatment and prevention.Geburtshilfe Frauenheilkd.2016 Dec;76(12):1310–7. doi:10.1055/s-0042-116494UpToDate.Patient education: genital herpes (beyond the basics).Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Genital herpes.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Sexually transmitted infections treatment guidelines, 2021.Straface G, Selmin A, Zanardo V, De Santis M, Ercoli A, Scambia G.Herpes simplex virus infection in pregnancy.Infect Dis Obstet Gynecol.2012;2012:385697. doi:10.1155/2012/385697Strachan E, Saracino M, Selke S, Margaret A, Buchwald D, Wald A.The effects of daily distress and personality on genital HSV shedding and lesions in a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled, crossover trial of acyclovir in HSV-2 seropositive women.Brain Behav Immun. 2011;25(7):1475-81. doi: 10.1016/j.bbi.2011.06.003

Tronstein E.Genital shedding of herpes simplex virus among symptomatic and asymptomatic persons with HSV-2 infection.JAMA. 2011;305(14):1441. doi:10.1001/jama.2011.420

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Herpes patient guide.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Getting tested for STIs.

James C, Harfouche M, Welton NJ, et al.Herpes simplex virus: global infection prevalence and incidence estimates, 2016.Bull World Health Organ. 2020;98(5):315-329. doi:10.2471/BLT.19.237149

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About genital herpes.

Sauerbrei A.Herpes genitalis: diagnosis, treatment and prevention.Geburtshilfe Frauenheilkd.2016 Dec;76(12):1310–7. doi:10.1055/s-0042-116494

UpToDate.Patient education: genital herpes (beyond the basics).

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Genital herpes.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Sexually transmitted infections treatment guidelines, 2021.

Straface G, Selmin A, Zanardo V, De Santis M, Ercoli A, Scambia G.Herpes simplex virus infection in pregnancy.Infect Dis Obstet Gynecol.2012;2012:385697. doi:10.1155/2012/385697

Strachan E, Saracino M, Selke S, Margaret A, Buchwald D, Wald A.The effects of daily distress and personality on genital HSV shedding and lesions in a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled, crossover trial of acyclovir in HSV-2 seropositive women.Brain Behav Immun. 2011;25(7):1475-81. doi: 10.1016/j.bbi.2011.06.003

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