Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsGrief JourneyTypes of GriefHelp for ParentsPersonal GriefSibling GriefFamily Grief
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Grief Journey
Types of Grief
Help for Parents
Personal Grief
Sibling Grief
Family Grief
Losing a child, whether anticipated or unexpected, can bring overwhelming pain. The grief that follows the death of a child is likely to feel paralyzing and endless. With time, healthy coping tools, and help from loved ones and professionals, however, the worst parts of grief will eventually pass.
This article provides an overview of common grief reactions, options for seeking help, and ways to cope.
SDI Productions / Getty Images
Grief Journey After Losing a Child
The emotions parents experience while grieving the loss of a child vary considerably from person to person. They may also change from one day to the next. Some of the emotions you might experience include:
Grief, especially from losing a child, is not something you get over. Grief ebbs and flows and changes with time. Some days will be very hard and others will be a little easier. Eventually, grief should feel muted and in the background but most likely will be present in one way or another throughout life.
Mental Health Risk for Bereaved ParentsResearch shows that grieving parents are at risk for developingdepressionfor at least five years following the death of their child.
Mental Health Risk for Bereaved Parents
Research shows that grieving parents are at risk for developingdepressionfor at least five years following the death of their child.
Grief can come in many different forms and the way people experience grief changes over time. Healthcare providers talk about different types of grief, but remember that grief is different for everyone and no one follows a precise pattern of grieving after the loss of a child.
Acute vs. Integrated Grief
Acute grief is the immediate response following a loss. During this time, it’s common to be in shock or disbelief and to have a hard time processing the death. The focus tends to be on memories of the person who died, and it can feel all-consuming.
During acute grief, a person’s experience tends to be internal, and it’s common to avoid other people and normal activities for a while. The circumstances of the death can also impact the severity of the reaction. Death from violence,suicide, and unexpected deaths are often more difficult to cope with.
Although acute grief can be overwhelming and extremely painful, most people are able to move through their bereavement over time. Grieving is not a straightforward path or a series of stages to move through, but a back-and-forth journey that constantly moves between pain and joy, difficulty and positive experiences.
Eventually, the worst parts of grief should ease and allow space for finding enjoyment in life again. As this happens, grief is becoming integrated. This means that, while grief may always be present on some level, it does not control or define the person anymore.
The Four Phases and Tasks of Grief
Complicated Grief
For some people, intense grief reactions continue for a long time, and grief doesn’t become integrated on its own. When grief causes ongoing worry orruminationabout the death, or when a person avoids talking or thinking about the death or becomes stuck in experiencing the most painful parts of grief without relief after several months have passed, it’s calledcomplicated grief.
For those experiencing complicated grief, it may feel like the acute grief phase is never-ending. It’s common to have difficulty moving through grief in a healthy way and finding meaning from the loss, and many people evenconsider suicide.
Complicated grief is most common in those who have lost a child. In these circumstances, amental health professionalcan help with processing the loss and working through complicated grief to be able to confront the death and heal from the pain.
Differences Between Normal and Complicated Grief
How Common Is Complicated Grief?Around 7% to 10% of bereaved people experience complicated grief, and it’s more common for parents who are grieving the loss of a child.
How Common Is Complicated Grief?
Around 7% to 10% of bereaved people experience complicated grief, and it’s more common for parents who are grieving the loss of a child.
Help for Parents Grieving the Loss of a Child
For many grieving parents, it’s natural to want to isolate from others during bereavement, especially those who bring reminders of the death. It may be painful to answer others' questions, to talk about yourself as a parent who lost a child, and to get through normal daily experiences..
It’s also important to look for support while grieving the loss of a child. Whether it’s professional help or peer-based, asking for help can be difficult. Yet, seeking support can help you bring meaning to the loss and work through the most difficult parts of bereavement.
Try accepting offers for food and other gifts, and push yourself to spend time with others in small amounts. Remember toset boundarieswhere you need them and that on some days it will be easier to spend time with people than on others.
Therapy
Sometimes, it’s helpful to speak to a professional to work through the grieving process. When grief does not naturally become integrated over time and remains intensely present and disruptive, a grief therapist can provide the tools to work through the painful memories and experiences of child loss.
Many parents will experience complicated grief while living through a child’s death, and it’s normal to need support to cope with the loss; the challenges that might come up in relationships with a spouse, family members, and other loved ones; and the interruption to daily life.
Support Groups
Working through child loss can be a lonely experience. Throughsupport groups, grieving parents can come together with others who are coping with similar circumstances. Knowing that others are going through the same pain can bring comfort, and sharing coping strategies to help others can bring a sense of purpose to bereavement.
There are different types of support groups:
Explore These Self-Help Tips for Working Through Grief
Managing Personal Grief
Grieving the loss of a child is extremely hard. One of the most important ways to cope is to take things slowly and not have expectations about how long the painful feelings should last or when grief should be “over.”
Grief does not happen as a series of stages to work through or tasks to complete, but as an ongoing presence that moves back and forth between being extremely difficult and muted in the background.
Here are some tips to help work through grief:
The Right Words to Say When Someone Has Lost a Child
Helping Other Children Who Are Grieving
It’s also important to pay attention to how siblings are grieving because surviving siblings will take on the grief of their parents. As parents grieve, they often give less emotional attention to surviving children. This, in addition to the painful experience of losing a sibling, can affect their health and well-being and have long-term impacts.
For example, research has found that children who lose a sibling are at greater risk for poor academic performance, troubled relationships, substance abuse, and early death.
Prevalence of Sibling DeathBetween 5% and 8% of people will experience the death of their sibling before they reach adulthood.
Prevalence of Sibling Death
Between 5% and 8% of people will experience the death of their sibling before they reach adulthood.
Managing Grief as a Family
Grief can impact your relationships with other people in your family, including your spouse, your other children, and your child’s grandparents. While you are grieving, it is important to both acknowledge the grief of everyone else in the family and to spend time grieving privately. Some of the things you can do as a family include:
Summary
After losing a child, it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions, including despair, sadness, anger, and longing. These feelings will be most painful initially during the acute grief phase. Over time, though, the most difficult emotions associated with grief will become easier and will exist in the background rather than be all-consuming.
For many parents, though, losing a child can be so hard to handle that grief becomes complicated rather than integrated. If grief is still raw and extremely painful, or if it brings out mental illnesses like depression, severe anxiety, or other concerns, it’s important to seek support from a mental health professional.
Other things that can help are support groups, accepting offers of help from others, and finding ways to bring meaning to the death. It’s important to also pay attention to the needs of siblings as they mourn.
Getting Through Grief Can Be a Hard but Necessary Process
6 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.The American Cancer Society.Grief and bereavement.Pohlkamp L, Kreicbergs U, Sveen J.Bereaved mothers' and fathers' prolonged grief and psychological health 1 to 5 years after loss-A nationwide study.Psychooncology. 2019;28(7):1530-1536. doi:10.1002/pon.5112The American Cancer Society.Seeking help and support for grief and loss.Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies.What is complicated grief?D’Alton SV, Ridings L, Williams C, Phillips S.The bereavement experiences of children following sibling death: An integrative review.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e82-e99. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.05.006Bartel BT.Families grieving together: Integrating the loss of a child through ongoing relational connections.Death Stud. 2020;44(8):498-509. doi:10.1080/07481187.2019.1586794
6 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.The American Cancer Society.Grief and bereavement.Pohlkamp L, Kreicbergs U, Sveen J.Bereaved mothers' and fathers' prolonged grief and psychological health 1 to 5 years after loss-A nationwide study.Psychooncology. 2019;28(7):1530-1536. doi:10.1002/pon.5112The American Cancer Society.Seeking help and support for grief and loss.Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies.What is complicated grief?D’Alton SV, Ridings L, Williams C, Phillips S.The bereavement experiences of children following sibling death: An integrative review.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e82-e99. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.05.006Bartel BT.Families grieving together: Integrating the loss of a child through ongoing relational connections.Death Stud. 2020;44(8):498-509. doi:10.1080/07481187.2019.1586794
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
The American Cancer Society.Grief and bereavement.Pohlkamp L, Kreicbergs U, Sveen J.Bereaved mothers' and fathers' prolonged grief and psychological health 1 to 5 years after loss-A nationwide study.Psychooncology. 2019;28(7):1530-1536. doi:10.1002/pon.5112The American Cancer Society.Seeking help and support for grief and loss.Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies.What is complicated grief?D’Alton SV, Ridings L, Williams C, Phillips S.The bereavement experiences of children following sibling death: An integrative review.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e82-e99. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.05.006Bartel BT.Families grieving together: Integrating the loss of a child through ongoing relational connections.Death Stud. 2020;44(8):498-509. doi:10.1080/07481187.2019.1586794
The American Cancer Society.Grief and bereavement.
Pohlkamp L, Kreicbergs U, Sveen J.Bereaved mothers' and fathers' prolonged grief and psychological health 1 to 5 years after loss-A nationwide study.Psychooncology. 2019;28(7):1530-1536. doi:10.1002/pon.5112
The American Cancer Society.Seeking help and support for grief and loss.
Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies.What is complicated grief?
D’Alton SV, Ridings L, Williams C, Phillips S.The bereavement experiences of children following sibling death: An integrative review.J Pediatr Nurs. 2022;66:e82-e99. doi:10.1016/j.pedn.2022.05.006
Bartel BT.Families grieving together: Integrating the loss of a child through ongoing relational connections.Death Stud. 2020;44(8):498-509. doi:10.1080/07481187.2019.1586794
Meet Our Medical Expert Board
Share Feedback
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?OtherHelpfulReport an ErrorSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?OtherHelpfulReport an ErrorSubmit
What is your feedback?
