As a dying person comes to terms with their own mortality and begins toprepare for death, they may use life review, orlife reconciliation, as a way to find closure and a sense of completion.

A life review doesn’t follow a predictable pattern, and no two people can be expected to experience life reconciliation in the same way. That said, there are five common stages of a life review that are helpful to understand: expression, responsibility, forgiveness, acceptance, and gratitude.

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Man holding his mother’s hands.

Expression

As a dying person moves through theDABDA stages of coping, many emotions surface that need to be expressed.Angeris often the dominant emotion for a majority of this time.

It’s important for a dying person to express whatever emotions they are feeling. Expressing intense feelings and releasing anger is essential to finding peace.If a dying person is allowed complete freedom of expression, true healing on an emotional and spiritual level is possible.

A dying person might need explicit permission to express anger.They might fear that expressing this will alienate loved ones. They might be angry at a higher power and feel ashamed of those feelings.By expressing feelings of anger at the illness, at the unfairness of the world, or at a higher power, a dying person is preparing for peace and acceptance.

Responsibility

As the dying person reviews their life, they begin to realize how they have played a role in all that has happened to them.They realize that their actions, thoughts, and lives are their responsibility alone. Most people describe this as a freeing experience.

They come to know that they aren’t to blame for their illness and that death doesn’t mean they somehow failed in life. This realization of responsibility helps the dying person come to terms with all that has happened in their life and prepare for what’s ahead.

Forgiveness

When someone experiences true forgiveness, they release themselves from the bonds of hurt and bitterness.Forgiveness isn’t about accepting wrongful behavior. Forgiveness is about choosing to let go of the hurt and resentment that keeps us from living in peace.

A dying person may find it easy to forgive others for past hurts but may have a hard time forgiving herself.They may wonder whether others can really forgive them for their wrongs, big or small. They may spend some time asking others for forgiveness, asking a higher power for forgiveness, and offering their own forgiveness to those who have hurt them.

In his book,The Four Things That Matter Most, Dr. Ira Byock discusses what most people define as beingthe most important thingsto say before you die: “Thank you,” “I forgive you,” “Will you forgive me,” and “I love you.” Two of the four phrases are about forgiveness, emphasizing how important it is to offer and receive it before we die.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the final stage in the DABDA theory of coping with death and is an important part of a life review.We seem to have lost the reality that death is a natural process that will happen to each and every one of us, choosing instead to fight death valiantly until the end. When a dying person accepts their death as inevitable, they are not giving up on life but rather allowing the natural order of life to complete its circle.

Gratitude

After experiencing other aspects of a complete life review, a dying person will often experience extreme gratitude for their life.They will be thankful for the people in their life; the experiences they’ve had, whether good or bad; and may feel gratitude towards a higher power, if they believe in one, for the life they’ve had. They may express their gratitude to their friends and loved ones and feel overwhelming joy. This is how most of us wish we could die, with a joyful heart and a spirit of peace.

12 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Field D.“Looking back, what period of your life brought you the most satisfaction”. Int J Aging Hum Dev. 1997;45(3):169-94. doi:10.2190/RAW0-2JXU-XMBJ-3UJYTyrrell P.Stages of Dying. StatPearls [Internet]. Published June 3, 2019.Williams R.Anger as a Basic Emotion and Its Role in Personality Building and Pathological Growth: The Neuroscientific, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1950. Published 2017 Nov 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01950Houston RE.The Angry Dying Patient.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 1999;1(1):5–8. doi:10.4088/pcc.v01n0102Tangney JP, Stuewig J, Mashek DJ.Moral emotions and moral behavior.Annu Rev Psychol. 2007;58:345–372. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070145Meier EA, Gallegos JV, Thomas LP, Depp CA, Irwin SA, Jeste DV.Defining a Good Death (Successful Dying): Literature Review and a Call for Research and Public Dialogue.Am J Geriatr Psychiatry. 2016;24(4):261–271. doi:10.1016/j.jagp.2016.01.135Kyota A, Kanda K.How to come to terms with facing death: a qualitative study examining the experiences of patients with terminal cancer.BMC Palliat Care. 2019;18(1):33. Published 2019 Apr 4. doi:10.1186/s12904-019-0417-6Akhtar S, Dolan A, Barlow J.Understanding the Relationship Between State Forgiveness and Psychological Wellbeing: A Qualitative Study.J Relig Health. 2017;56(2):450–463. doi:10.1007/s10943-016-0188-9Ingersoll-Dayton B, Torges C, Krause N.Unforgiveness, rumination, and depressive symptoms among older adults.Aging Ment Health. 2010;14(4):439–449. doi:10.1080/13607860903483136Lotto L, Manfrinati A, Rigoni D, Rumiati R, Sartori G, Birbaumer N.Attitudes towards end-of-life decisions and the subjective concepts of consciousness: an empirical analysis.PLoS One. 2012;7(2):e31735. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0031735Emanuel LL, Reddy N, Hauser J, Sonnenfeld SB.“And Yet It Was a Blessing”: The Case for Existential Maturity.J Palliat Med. 2017;20(4):318–327. doi:10.1089/jpm.2016.0540Fox GR, Kaplan J, Damasio H, Damasio A.Neural correlates of gratitude.Front Psychol. 2015;6:1491. Published 2015 Sep 30. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491

12 Sources

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Field D.“Looking back, what period of your life brought you the most satisfaction”. Int J Aging Hum Dev. 1997;45(3):169-94. doi:10.2190/RAW0-2JXU-XMBJ-3UJYTyrrell P.Stages of Dying. StatPearls [Internet]. Published June 3, 2019.Williams R.Anger as a Basic Emotion and Its Role in Personality Building and Pathological Growth: The Neuroscientific, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1950. Published 2017 Nov 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01950Houston RE.The Angry Dying Patient.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 1999;1(1):5–8. doi:10.4088/pcc.v01n0102Tangney JP, Stuewig J, Mashek DJ.Moral emotions and moral behavior.Annu Rev Psychol. 2007;58:345–372. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070145Meier EA, Gallegos JV, Thomas LP, Depp CA, Irwin SA, Jeste DV.Defining a Good Death (Successful Dying): Literature Review and a Call for Research and Public Dialogue.Am J Geriatr Psychiatry. 2016;24(4):261–271. doi:10.1016/j.jagp.2016.01.135Kyota A, Kanda K.How to come to terms with facing death: a qualitative study examining the experiences of patients with terminal cancer.BMC Palliat Care. 2019;18(1):33. Published 2019 Apr 4. doi:10.1186/s12904-019-0417-6Akhtar S, Dolan A, Barlow J.Understanding the Relationship Between State Forgiveness and Psychological Wellbeing: A Qualitative Study.J Relig Health. 2017;56(2):450–463. doi:10.1007/s10943-016-0188-9Ingersoll-Dayton B, Torges C, Krause N.Unforgiveness, rumination, and depressive symptoms among older adults.Aging Ment Health. 2010;14(4):439–449. doi:10.1080/13607860903483136Lotto L, Manfrinati A, Rigoni D, Rumiati R, Sartori G, Birbaumer N.Attitudes towards end-of-life decisions and the subjective concepts of consciousness: an empirical analysis.PLoS One. 2012;7(2):e31735. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0031735Emanuel LL, Reddy N, Hauser J, Sonnenfeld SB.“And Yet It Was a Blessing”: The Case for Existential Maturity.J Palliat Med. 2017;20(4):318–327. doi:10.1089/jpm.2016.0540Fox GR, Kaplan J, Damasio H, Damasio A.Neural correlates of gratitude.Front Psychol. 2015;6:1491. Published 2015 Sep 30. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Field D.“Looking back, what period of your life brought you the most satisfaction”. Int J Aging Hum Dev. 1997;45(3):169-94. doi:10.2190/RAW0-2JXU-XMBJ-3UJYTyrrell P.Stages of Dying. StatPearls [Internet]. Published June 3, 2019.Williams R.Anger as a Basic Emotion and Its Role in Personality Building and Pathological Growth: The Neuroscientific, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1950. Published 2017 Nov 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01950Houston RE.The Angry Dying Patient.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 1999;1(1):5–8. doi:10.4088/pcc.v01n0102Tangney JP, Stuewig J, Mashek DJ.Moral emotions and moral behavior.Annu Rev Psychol. 2007;58:345–372. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070145Meier EA, Gallegos JV, Thomas LP, Depp CA, Irwin SA, Jeste DV.Defining a Good Death (Successful Dying): Literature Review and a Call for Research and Public Dialogue.Am J Geriatr Psychiatry. 2016;24(4):261–271. doi:10.1016/j.jagp.2016.01.135Kyota A, Kanda K.How to come to terms with facing death: a qualitative study examining the experiences of patients with terminal cancer.BMC Palliat Care. 2019;18(1):33. Published 2019 Apr 4. doi:10.1186/s12904-019-0417-6Akhtar S, Dolan A, Barlow J.Understanding the Relationship Between State Forgiveness and Psychological Wellbeing: A Qualitative Study.J Relig Health. 2017;56(2):450–463. doi:10.1007/s10943-016-0188-9Ingersoll-Dayton B, Torges C, Krause N.Unforgiveness, rumination, and depressive symptoms among older adults.Aging Ment Health. 2010;14(4):439–449. doi:10.1080/13607860903483136Lotto L, Manfrinati A, Rigoni D, Rumiati R, Sartori G, Birbaumer N.Attitudes towards end-of-life decisions and the subjective concepts of consciousness: an empirical analysis.PLoS One. 2012;7(2):e31735. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0031735Emanuel LL, Reddy N, Hauser J, Sonnenfeld SB.“And Yet It Was a Blessing”: The Case for Existential Maturity.J Palliat Med. 2017;20(4):318–327. doi:10.1089/jpm.2016.0540Fox GR, Kaplan J, Damasio H, Damasio A.Neural correlates of gratitude.Front Psychol. 2015;6:1491. Published 2015 Sep 30. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491

Field D.“Looking back, what period of your life brought you the most satisfaction”. Int J Aging Hum Dev. 1997;45(3):169-94. doi:10.2190/RAW0-2JXU-XMBJ-3UJY

Tyrrell P.Stages of Dying. StatPearls [Internet]. Published June 3, 2019.

Williams R.Anger as a Basic Emotion and Its Role in Personality Building and Pathological Growth: The Neuroscientific, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1950. Published 2017 Nov 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01950

Houston RE.The Angry Dying Patient.Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 1999;1(1):5–8. doi:10.4088/pcc.v01n0102

Tangney JP, Stuewig J, Mashek DJ.Moral emotions and moral behavior.Annu Rev Psychol. 2007;58:345–372. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070145

Meier EA, Gallegos JV, Thomas LP, Depp CA, Irwin SA, Jeste DV.Defining a Good Death (Successful Dying): Literature Review and a Call for Research and Public Dialogue.Am J Geriatr Psychiatry. 2016;24(4):261–271. doi:10.1016/j.jagp.2016.01.135

Kyota A, Kanda K.How to come to terms with facing death: a qualitative study examining the experiences of patients with terminal cancer.BMC Palliat Care. 2019;18(1):33. Published 2019 Apr 4. doi:10.1186/s12904-019-0417-6

Akhtar S, Dolan A, Barlow J.Understanding the Relationship Between State Forgiveness and Psychological Wellbeing: A Qualitative Study.J Relig Health. 2017;56(2):450–463. doi:10.1007/s10943-016-0188-9

Ingersoll-Dayton B, Torges C, Krause N.Unforgiveness, rumination, and depressive symptoms among older adults.Aging Ment Health. 2010;14(4):439–449. doi:10.1080/13607860903483136

Lotto L, Manfrinati A, Rigoni D, Rumiati R, Sartori G, Birbaumer N.Attitudes towards end-of-life decisions and the subjective concepts of consciousness: an empirical analysis.PLoS One. 2012;7(2):e31735. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0031735

Emanuel LL, Reddy N, Hauser J, Sonnenfeld SB.“And Yet It Was a Blessing”: The Case for Existential Maturity.J Palliat Med. 2017;20(4):318–327. doi:10.1089/jpm.2016.0540

Fox GR, Kaplan J, Damasio H, Damasio A.Neural correlates of gratitude.Front Psychol. 2015;6:1491. Published 2015 Sep 30. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491

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