Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDefinitionCharacteristicsIdentificationCausesHow to Stop Being ManipulativeCoping
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Definition
Characteristics
Identification
Causes
How to Stop Being Manipulative
Coping
Manipulative behavior refers to a person’s use of gaslighting, love bombing, and other styles of interaction in a relationship used to gain power or influence over another. These tactics often include attempts to damage another person’s emotional and mental well-being.
Emotional manipulation influences the dynamics of a relationship and affects males as well as females.A manipulative person often engages in harmful behaviors over time, creating an imbalance of power. The behaviors can damage your self-confidence and sense of identity, leaving you confused, isolated, or even depressed.
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What Is Manipulative Behavior?
Manipulative behavior includes actions a person uses to gain influence or control over someone else. They can be a form of psychological aggression, with behaviors often associated withintimate partner violence.Manipulation can happen in intimate partner relationships as well as in other types of relationships.
Manipulative behavior examples include:
People who manipulate others may have difficulty identifying and expressing their wants and needs appropriately and healthily.
What is the difference between persuasion and manipulation?Persuasion differs from manipulation in that it appeals to an individual’s understanding to convince or move them in a particular direction. Alternately, manipulation often undermines a person’s sense of reality and emotional safety to influence them.
What is the difference between persuasion and manipulation?
Persuasion differs from manipulation in that it appeals to an individual’s understanding to convince or move them in a particular direction. Alternately, manipulation often undermines a person’s sense of reality and emotional safety to influence them.
Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation can feel like a person is playing mind games, because it can cause:
This helps the manipulator gain power over another individual and undermine their ability to think rationally. It’s important to recognize that emotional manipulation is abusive.
How Common Is Manipulation?Emotional manipulation and related tactics can be used in any type of relationship, but data on intimate relationships provides some insight. One 2013 study revealed that 40% of women and 32% of men report expressive aggression in relationships, while 41% of women and 43% of men experience coercive control.
How Common Is Manipulation?
Emotional manipulation and related tactics can be used in any type of relationship, but data on intimate relationships provides some insight. One 2013 study revealed that 40% of women and 32% of men report expressive aggression in relationships, while 41% of women and 43% of men experience coercive control.
Characteristics of a Manipulative Person
Manipulators tend to behave in predictable ways. Some tactics of emotional manipulation include making comparisons that hurt you, or lying and denial about facts. Exaggeration, withholding important information or valuable items, and silence can be manipulative. Each of these behaviors can be detrimental to mental and emotional safety.
Understanding tactics and signs, like the ones listed below, can help you spot them.
Help Is AvailableIf you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
Help Is Available
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
How Do You Know When Someone Is Manipulating You?
Manipulation can be subtle or overt. People of all ages, genders, races, and orientations can be on the receiving end of manipulation. It may seem easy to recognize emotional manipulation when it is happening to others, but challenging to see when you are in the midst of it yourself.
The following are some signs of controlling or manipulative behavior:
Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells or being afraid to speak up or address boundaries may be other signs a person is in an unhealthy situation. It’s important to remember that emotional manipulation is never the fault of the person on the receiving end of the behavior.
Manipulative LanguageHere are some examples of statements a manipulator might make:“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You must have imagined it.““If you truly cared about me and trusted me, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.““There’s no need for you to be this upset right now. You’re overreacting.““You’re so selfish. The reason we keep fighting is because of you.““If you don’t attend this business dinner, it shows how little you care about advancing in your career.”
Manipulative Language
Here are some examples of statements a manipulator might make:“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You must have imagined it.““If you truly cared about me and trusted me, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.““There’s no need for you to be this upset right now. You’re overreacting.““You’re so selfish. The reason we keep fighting is because of you.““If you don’t attend this business dinner, it shows how little you care about advancing in your career.”
Here are some examples of statements a manipulator might make:
What Causes a Person to Be Manipulative?
Some possible causes of manipulative behavior include:
Every person is in charge of their behavior and decisions. It is possible for people who use manipulative tactics to change their behavior.
Some strategies to stop emotional manipulation may include:
Seeking professional support can help manipulators choose different paths. Therapy can be a safe space to explore thoughts, feelings, and behavior, learn to spot issues, and develop communication, problem-solving, and relational skills.
How to Cope With a Manipulative Person
It may be hard to identify controlling and manipulative behaviors. While you can’t prevent the behaviors—because you aren’t responsible for them—you can take care of yourself to reduce the impact.
While you may feel empathy for the other person, it’s important to know that responses like arguing, criticizing, threatening, blaming yourself, and placating the manipulator may only empower them and perpetuate their behavior. In addition, these behaviors may provoke anger and intensify situations.
Before addressing a concern with a manipulator, it’s essential to make sure a person feels safe and able to do so. Consulting a trusted individual or professional can help assess the situation.
Protect YourselfWhen a person seeking power and control begins to lose it, their behavior can escalate or become erratic. During this time, it’s vital to take care of yourself, ensure your own safety, and make decisions about what feels healthiest for you regarding the relationship.
Protect Yourself
When a person seeking power and control begins to lose it, their behavior can escalate or become erratic. During this time, it’s vital to take care of yourself, ensure your own safety, and make decisions about what feels healthiest for you regarding the relationship.
The following are some ways to cope with manipulative people.
Partner
To manage a manipulative partner, it’s helpful to:
Taking care of yourself individually through counseling, support from loved ones, or self-care andstress managementstrategies can help with healing.
Parent
If needed, find a trusted individual who can help facilitate the conversation. Family therapy may be a resource to help families identify problems and improve relationships.
Friend
To help manage manipulative behavior in a friendship, be clear about what you need in the relationship and provide helpful solutions to improve the situation. You get to decide what your boundaries are and have the freedom to say “no” if something doesn’t feel right.
Remember, you can always choose to end a friendship or any other kind of relationship if it doesn’t feel healthy for you.
Colleague or Boss
Addressing manipulative behavior in the workplace can be particularly challenging, especially if you fear you are risking losing your job and your livelihood. But it’s important to have an honest conversation about the damaging impact of manipulative behavior in the workplace.
If you are unable to resolve the issue amongst yourselves, it may be time to inform a supervisor or manager.
Involve Human ResourcesIf possible, you can contact your Human Resources (HR) representative to get guidance on how to approach or navigate the situation. This may be a good place to start if the concern is with your boss or a professional relationship in which there is a power difference.
Involve Human Resources
If possible, you can contact your Human Resources (HR) representative to get guidance on how to approach or navigate the situation. This may be a good place to start if the concern is with your boss or a professional relationship in which there is a power difference.
Summary
Manipulative behavior occurs when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can damage a person’s psychological well-being.
These behaviors are common and can occur in platonic, romantic, familial, and professional relationships. Knowing how to identify them can help. Resources and support are available for people who want to change their behavior or are healing from their relationship with a manipulator.
12 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hogan KF, Clarke V, Ward T.Men’s experiences of help-seeking for female-perpetrated intimate partner violence: A qualitative exploration.Couns Psychother Res. 2021;21:934–945. doi:10.1002/capr.12409Carton H, Egan V.The dark triad and intimate partner violence.Pers Individ Differ. 2017;105:84-8. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2016.09.040Lozano EB, Laurent SM.The effect of admitting fault versus shifting blame on expectations for others to do the same.PLoS One. 2019;14(3):e0213276. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0213276.National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041Sweet PL.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Sociol Rev. 2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843Laverdière O, Ogrodniczuk JS, Kealy D.Interpersonal problems associated with passive-aggressive personality disorder.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2019;207(10):820-825. doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000001044.Lagdon S, Jordan JA, Devine P, Tully MA, Armour C, Shannon C.Public understanding of coercive control in Northern Ireland.J Fam Violence. 2023;38(1):39-50. doi:10.1007/s10896-021-00355-5.Stark E, Hester M.Coercive control: Update and review.Violence Against Women. 2019;25(1):81-104. doi:10.1177/1077801218816191.Zhu H, Ou Y, Zhu Z.Aggressive humor style and cyberbullying perpetration: Normative tolerance and moral disengagement perspective.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1095318. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1095318.Vossen TJ, Coolidge FL, Segal DL, Muehlenkamp JJ.Exploring the dark side: Relationships between the dark triad traits and cluster B personality disorder features.J Psychiatry Psychiatr Disord. 2017;1(6):317-26.Ngoc N, Tuan N, Takahashi Y.A Meta-Analytic Investigation of the Relationship Between Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Manipulation.SAGE Open, 10(4). 2020. doi:10.1177/2158244020971615
12 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hogan KF, Clarke V, Ward T.Men’s experiences of help-seeking for female-perpetrated intimate partner violence: A qualitative exploration.Couns Psychother Res. 2021;21:934–945. doi:10.1002/capr.12409Carton H, Egan V.The dark triad and intimate partner violence.Pers Individ Differ. 2017;105:84-8. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2016.09.040Lozano EB, Laurent SM.The effect of admitting fault versus shifting blame on expectations for others to do the same.PLoS One. 2019;14(3):e0213276. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0213276.National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041Sweet PL.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Sociol Rev. 2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843Laverdière O, Ogrodniczuk JS, Kealy D.Interpersonal problems associated with passive-aggressive personality disorder.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2019;207(10):820-825. doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000001044.Lagdon S, Jordan JA, Devine P, Tully MA, Armour C, Shannon C.Public understanding of coercive control in Northern Ireland.J Fam Violence. 2023;38(1):39-50. doi:10.1007/s10896-021-00355-5.Stark E, Hester M.Coercive control: Update and review.Violence Against Women. 2019;25(1):81-104. doi:10.1177/1077801218816191.Zhu H, Ou Y, Zhu Z.Aggressive humor style and cyberbullying perpetration: Normative tolerance and moral disengagement perspective.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1095318. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1095318.Vossen TJ, Coolidge FL, Segal DL, Muehlenkamp JJ.Exploring the dark side: Relationships between the dark triad traits and cluster B personality disorder features.J Psychiatry Psychiatr Disord. 2017;1(6):317-26.Ngoc N, Tuan N, Takahashi Y.A Meta-Analytic Investigation of the Relationship Between Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Manipulation.SAGE Open, 10(4). 2020. doi:10.1177/2158244020971615
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Hogan KF, Clarke V, Ward T.Men’s experiences of help-seeking for female-perpetrated intimate partner violence: A qualitative exploration.Couns Psychother Res. 2021;21:934–945. doi:10.1002/capr.12409Carton H, Egan V.The dark triad and intimate partner violence.Pers Individ Differ. 2017;105:84-8. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2016.09.040Lozano EB, Laurent SM.The effect of admitting fault versus shifting blame on expectations for others to do the same.PLoS One. 2019;14(3):e0213276. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0213276.National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041Sweet PL.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Sociol Rev. 2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843Laverdière O, Ogrodniczuk JS, Kealy D.Interpersonal problems associated with passive-aggressive personality disorder.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2019;207(10):820-825. doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000001044.Lagdon S, Jordan JA, Devine P, Tully MA, Armour C, Shannon C.Public understanding of coercive control in Northern Ireland.J Fam Violence. 2023;38(1):39-50. doi:10.1007/s10896-021-00355-5.Stark E, Hester M.Coercive control: Update and review.Violence Against Women. 2019;25(1):81-104. doi:10.1177/1077801218816191.Zhu H, Ou Y, Zhu Z.Aggressive humor style and cyberbullying perpetration: Normative tolerance and moral disengagement perspective.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1095318. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1095318.Vossen TJ, Coolidge FL, Segal DL, Muehlenkamp JJ.Exploring the dark side: Relationships between the dark triad traits and cluster B personality disorder features.J Psychiatry Psychiatr Disord. 2017;1(6):317-26.Ngoc N, Tuan N, Takahashi Y.A Meta-Analytic Investigation of the Relationship Between Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Manipulation.SAGE Open, 10(4). 2020. doi:10.1177/2158244020971615
Hogan KF, Clarke V, Ward T.Men’s experiences of help-seeking for female-perpetrated intimate partner violence: A qualitative exploration.Couns Psychother Res. 2021;21:934–945. doi:10.1002/capr.12409
Carton H, Egan V.The dark triad and intimate partner violence.Pers Individ Differ. 2017;105:84-8. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2016.09.040
Lozano EB, Laurent SM.The effect of admitting fault versus shifting blame on expectations for others to do the same.PLoS One. 2019;14(3):e0213276. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0213276.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.What is emotional abuse?
Karakurt G, Silver KE.Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age.Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041
Sweet PL.The sociology of gaslighting.Am Sociol Rev. 2019;84(5):851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843
Laverdière O, Ogrodniczuk JS, Kealy D.Interpersonal problems associated with passive-aggressive personality disorder.J Nerv Ment Dis. 2019;207(10):820-825. doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000001044.
Lagdon S, Jordan JA, Devine P, Tully MA, Armour C, Shannon C.Public understanding of coercive control in Northern Ireland.J Fam Violence. 2023;38(1):39-50. doi:10.1007/s10896-021-00355-5.
Stark E, Hester M.Coercive control: Update and review.Violence Against Women. 2019;25(1):81-104. doi:10.1177/1077801218816191.
Zhu H, Ou Y, Zhu Z.Aggressive humor style and cyberbullying perpetration: Normative tolerance and moral disengagement perspective.Front Psychol. 2022;13:1095318. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1095318.
Vossen TJ, Coolidge FL, Segal DL, Muehlenkamp JJ.Exploring the dark side: Relationships between the dark triad traits and cluster B personality disorder features.J Psychiatry Psychiatr Disord. 2017;1(6):317-26.
Ngoc N, Tuan N, Takahashi Y.A Meta-Analytic Investigation of the Relationship Between Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Manipulation.SAGE Open, 10(4). 2020. doi:10.1177/2158244020971615
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