Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsThe Four Stages of the Cycle of AbuseTypes of AbuseSigns of AbuseEnding the Cycle of Abuse
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
The Four Stages of the Cycle of Abuse
Types of Abuse
Signs of Abuse
Ending the Cycle of Abuse
Domestic violence can take many forms, from physical to emotional abuse. Abusers control through fear, intimidation, humiliation, and manipulation. The cycle of abuse describes a common four-part pattern that helps identify repeated behaviors within an abusive relationship. This pattern is not seen in all abusive relationships. However, when present, the cycle allows the abuser to continually maintain control and dominance over their partner.
Verywell / Michela Buttignol
Abuse StatisticsAccording to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, roughly one in four women and one in 10 men have experienced domestic violence from their partners at some point in their life. Roughly 43 million women and 38 million men have also experienced psychological aggression in intimate relationships.
Abuse Statistics
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, roughly one in four women and one in 10 men have experienced domestic violence from their partners at some point in their life. Roughly 43 million women and 38 million men have also experienced psychological aggression in intimate relationships.
The cycle of abuse is split into four stages to help people recognize common patterns and reasons why it may be difficult for the person experiencing the abuse to leave their situation.
The concept of abuse cycles began during the 1970s when psychologist Lenore Walker wrote “The Battered Woman.” The book itself detailed women who had experienced ongoing abuse.While the cycle helps identify abuse in relationships, not all experiences are so cut and dried. The four stages include:
Tension
During the tension stage, external stressors (e.g., financial problems, issues at work, etc.) begin to build for the abuser. Anger grows due to a feeling of loss of control.
During this stage, the abused partner tends to try to find ways to ease the tension to prevent an abusive episode from occurring. It is typical for the person at risk to feel anxious, overly alert, or to “walk on eggshells” around their partner in the hope that they won’t do anything to set their partner off. Some indicators of tension-building behavior include:
Incident
Reconciliation
When the person who experienced the abuse is in this phase, the extra love and kindness from their partner triggers a reaction in their brain that releases the feel-good love hormoneoxytocin. This release of hormones makes them feel closer to their partner and as if things are back to normal.
Calm
During the calm stage, justifications or explanations are made to help both partners excuse the abuse. For example, an abusive partner might say they’re sorry but blame the abuse on outside factors such as their boss or work life to justify their actions.
The abuser may also deny that the abuse occurred or minimize its seriousness. In some cases, the abuser may state or imply that the abused partner was at fault for the incident. However, in most cases, the abuser will show remorse and promise that the abuse won’t happen again. They will attempt to be more loving and understanding of their partner’s needs and feelings.
Because of their convincing nature, their partner may come to believe that the incident wasn’t that bad, which helps to further relieve the tension surrounding it. Ultimately, the abuser may convince their partner that their abusive behavior is a thing of the past.
Not All Abuse Happens in CyclesWhile the model of the cycle of abuse has its merits, these patterns don’t occur in all abusive relationships. Experience with domestic abuse can vary widely from relationship to relationship.
Not All Abuse Happens in Cycles
While the model of the cycle of abuse has its merits, these patterns don’t occur in all abusive relationships. Experience with domestic abuse can vary widely from relationship to relationship.
Abuse can come inmany formsin a relationship. Not all abusive partners will engage in all forms of abusive behavior, but each category counts as a type and form of abuse.
Emotional
Some common examples of emotional abuse include:
Physical
Physical violence produces pain and injury. Some examples of physical abuse include:
Is Sexual Abuse Physical Abuse?Sexual abuse is another form of abuse that could fall into the physical category. It involves any act of sexual contact that a person suffers, submits to, participates in, or performs as a result of force or violence, threats, fear, or deception or without having legally consented to the act.
Is Sexual Abuse Physical Abuse?
Sexual abuse is another form of abuse that could fall into the physical category. It involves any act of sexual contact that a person suffers, submits to, participates in, or performs as a result of force or violence, threats, fear, or deception or without having legally consented to the act.
Verbal
Verbal abuseisn’t as straightforward as other forms of abuse. While verbal abuse can be hard to identify, there are various types to be aware of:
Verbal and emotional abuse often overlap.
It can be difficult to determine if someone is being abused in their relationship unless it is witnessed first-hand. However, some signs canindicate abuseis occurring. They include:
Are You Being Abused? Signs You May Not Notice
There are many resources available on TheNational Coalition Against Domestic Violence’swebsite for both men and women seeking a way out. No one should have to suffer in silence. For anyone stuck in a cycle of abuse, ask for help from friends, family, a therapist, and a lawyer.
These ‘Distress Signals’ May Help You Get Out of an Unsafe Situation
Summary
Sometimes it can be difficult to see abuse from inside a relationship. The cycle of abuse is a four-stage pattern used to describe the way abuse often occurs. The stages—tension, incident, reconciliation, and calm—repeat themselves over and over again in abusive relationships that follow this pattern. Recognizing the warning signs is the first step to ending the cycle.
It’s also important to remember that, while the cycle of abuse can be a good tool, people experience abuse in many different ways.
8 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About intimate partner violence.Wilson JK.Cycle of violence. In:The Encyclopedia of Women and Crime. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd; 2019:1-5.Rakovec-Felser Z.Domestic violence and abuse in intimate relationship from public health perspective.Health Psychol Res.2014;22;2(3):1821. doi:10.4081/hpr.2014.1821Lutgendorf MA.Intimate partner violence and women’s health.Obstet Gynecol. 2019;134(3):470-480. doi:10.1097/AOG.0000000000003326Kendall County Women’s Shelter.10 Realities of domestic abuse.Washington State Department of Health and Social Services.Types and signs of abuse.Encyclopedia Britannica.Sexual Abuse.Cleveland Clinic.Verbal abuse: what it is, what it sounds like and how to address it.
8 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About intimate partner violence.Wilson JK.Cycle of violence. In:The Encyclopedia of Women and Crime. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd; 2019:1-5.Rakovec-Felser Z.Domestic violence and abuse in intimate relationship from public health perspective.Health Psychol Res.2014;22;2(3):1821. doi:10.4081/hpr.2014.1821Lutgendorf MA.Intimate partner violence and women’s health.Obstet Gynecol. 2019;134(3):470-480. doi:10.1097/AOG.0000000000003326Kendall County Women’s Shelter.10 Realities of domestic abuse.Washington State Department of Health and Social Services.Types and signs of abuse.Encyclopedia Britannica.Sexual Abuse.Cleveland Clinic.Verbal abuse: what it is, what it sounds like and how to address it.
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About intimate partner violence.Wilson JK.Cycle of violence. In:The Encyclopedia of Women and Crime. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd; 2019:1-5.Rakovec-Felser Z.Domestic violence and abuse in intimate relationship from public health perspective.Health Psychol Res.2014;22;2(3):1821. doi:10.4081/hpr.2014.1821Lutgendorf MA.Intimate partner violence and women’s health.Obstet Gynecol. 2019;134(3):470-480. doi:10.1097/AOG.0000000000003326Kendall County Women’s Shelter.10 Realities of domestic abuse.Washington State Department of Health and Social Services.Types and signs of abuse.Encyclopedia Britannica.Sexual Abuse.Cleveland Clinic.Verbal abuse: what it is, what it sounds like and how to address it.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.About intimate partner violence.
Wilson JK.Cycle of violence. In:The Encyclopedia of Women and Crime. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd; 2019:1-5.
Rakovec-Felser Z.Domestic violence and abuse in intimate relationship from public health perspective.Health Psychol Res.2014;22;2(3):1821. doi:10.4081/hpr.2014.1821
Lutgendorf MA.Intimate partner violence and women’s health.Obstet Gynecol. 2019;134(3):470-480. doi:10.1097/AOG.0000000000003326
Kendall County Women’s Shelter.10 Realities of domestic abuse.
Washington State Department of Health and Social Services.Types and signs of abuse.
Encyclopedia Britannica.Sexual Abuse.
Cleveland Clinic.Verbal abuse: what it is, what it sounds like and how to address it.
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