Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDefinitionThe LGBTQ UmbrellaThe Asexual SpectrumAm I Demisexual?Misconceptions
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Definition
The LGBTQ Umbrella
The Asexual Spectrum
Am I Demisexual?
Misconceptions
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexual attraction only after they’ve formed an emotional bond with the other person.
People who identify as demisexual can be straight, gay,bisexual,pansexual, or any other sexual orientation.Demisexuality is often misunderstood or confused with other sexual identities/orientations.
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What Does Demisexual Mean?
Being demisexual means that a person is unable to be sexually attracted to another person until they have formed an emotional bond.
By contrast, people who aren’t demisexual may experience sexual attraction for a variety of reasons—from looks to emotions to status and more. This may happen with people they know and those they don’t—like celebrities or strangers.
Demisexuality is part of theasexual spectrum.But whereasexualpeople experience little or no sexual attraction at all, people who are demisexual can be sexually attracted to others if they have formed a strong bond first.
1:39What Does Demisexual Mean?
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In general, sex is less important to those identifying as demisexual. However, that does not mean that they cannot or do not experience sexual pleasure. As with other sexual orientations, there is a spectrum of thoughts and responses.
For example, some demisexuals may not engage in sexual contact at all. They may even find the idea of sex repulsive.This is not the same as celibacy, in which a person chooses not to have sex irrespective of their sexual desires.
Still others may be “sex-positive” and regard sex as fundamentally healthy. In fact, within the context of a romantic relationship, some demisexuals may experience high sexual desire and great enthusiasm for sex.
Within the context of demisexuality, there are no differences in a person’s desire for or enjoyment of sex whether they identify as a woman, man, or nonbinary person.
Demisexuality and the LGBTQ Umbrella
There is no clear consensus as to whether people who are on the asexual spectrum, including demisexuals, fall under the LGBTQ umbrella. Many people consider demisexuals part of the LGBTQ community, but not all. This is because demisexuals can be heteroromantic, meaning they only have interests in people of a different gender.
However, other demisexuals feel that the term “asexuality” is not a good fit for their experience.
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Demisexuality and the Asexual Spectrum
Asexuality describes a person who experiences no or low sexual attraction or desire toward individuals of any gender.
That may seem like a cut-and-dry definition, but asexuality is a spectrum. And being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you never experience sexual attraction to another person.
Like all people, asexual people experience other forms of attraction:
Some asexual people experience romantic attraction, while some do not. People who don’t experience romantic attraction, desire, or interest identify as aromantic. The intra-community term for people who are both asexual and aromantic is ace/aro.
With gray asexuality (also called gray-ace), another form of asexuality, a person may experience the occasional sexual attraction with or without romantic attraction.
An Explanation of Omnisexual vs. Pansexual Identity
Demisexuality is a concept that is intended to help people have a clearer understanding of who they are as individuals.
However, not all people who fit the definition of “demisexual” identify as demisexual. For some, the fact that they only experience sexual attraction within the context of a romantic attachment is not central to how they view themselves.
While one sign of demisexuality is consistently experiencing sexual attraction only after emotional attachment, others include:
Misconceptions About Demisexuality
Because demisexuality is a lesser-known sexual orientation, there are a lot of misconceptions about it, such as:
Culture and DemisexualityThere is a long-held cultural stereotype that women are only interested in sex when in love and that men are interested in sex all the time. This reflects an inaccurate and potentially harmful belief system calledgender essentialism, which contends that men and women are fundamentally different for innate, universal, or biological reasons.According to research, beliefs like these undermine the sexual autonomy of women and encourage attitudes and behaviors that contribute to rape culture.
Culture and Demisexuality
There is a long-held cultural stereotype that women are only interested in sex when in love and that men are interested in sex all the time. This reflects an inaccurate and potentially harmful belief system calledgender essentialism, which contends that men and women are fundamentally different for innate, universal, or biological reasons.According to research, beliefs like these undermine the sexual autonomy of women and encourage attitudes and behaviors that contribute to rape culture.
There is a long-held cultural stereotype that women are only interested in sex when in love and that men are interested in sex all the time. This reflects an inaccurate and potentially harmful belief system calledgender essentialism, which contends that men and women are fundamentally different for innate, universal, or biological reasons.
According to research, beliefs like these undermine the sexual autonomy of women and encourage attitudes and behaviors that contribute to rape culture.
Summary
Demisexuality is defined as a form of asexuality in which a person cannot develop a sexual interest in someone until a strong emotional bond has been built.
Anyone can identify as demisexual irrespective of their gender or sexual orientation (gay, straight, bisexual, or any other sexual orientation). Their demisexual identity on its own is not dependent on gender.
9 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.LGBTQ Center for Chapel Hill.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.Copulsky D, Hammack PL.Asexuality, graysexuality, and demisexuality: distinctions in desire, behavior, and identity.J Sex Res. 2021 Dec 17;1-10. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.2012113Demisexuality Resource Center.What is demisexuality?Suen LW, Lunn MR, Katuzny K, et al.What sexual and gender minority people want researchers to know about sexual orientation and gender identity questions: a qualitative study.Arch Sex Behav.2020;49(7):2301–18. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01810-yBogaert AF.Asexuality: what it is and why it matters.J Sex Res.2015;52(4):362-79. doi:10.1080/00224499.2015.1015713Hille JJ, Simmons MK, Sanders SA.“Sex” and the ace spectrum: definitions of sex, behavioral histories, and future interest for individuals who identify as asexual, graysexual, or demisexual.J Sex Res. 2020;57(7): 813–23. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1689378Demisexuality Resource Center.Myths about demisexuals.Planned Parenthood.What does queer mean?McAlister J. ‘That complete fusion of spirit as well as body’: heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel.Australasian J Popular Culture. 2014;3(3):299–310. doi:10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1
9 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.LGBTQ Center for Chapel Hill.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.Copulsky D, Hammack PL.Asexuality, graysexuality, and demisexuality: distinctions in desire, behavior, and identity.J Sex Res. 2021 Dec 17;1-10. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.2012113Demisexuality Resource Center.What is demisexuality?Suen LW, Lunn MR, Katuzny K, et al.What sexual and gender minority people want researchers to know about sexual orientation and gender identity questions: a qualitative study.Arch Sex Behav.2020;49(7):2301–18. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01810-yBogaert AF.Asexuality: what it is and why it matters.J Sex Res.2015;52(4):362-79. doi:10.1080/00224499.2015.1015713Hille JJ, Simmons MK, Sanders SA.“Sex” and the ace spectrum: definitions of sex, behavioral histories, and future interest for individuals who identify as asexual, graysexual, or demisexual.J Sex Res. 2020;57(7): 813–23. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1689378Demisexuality Resource Center.Myths about demisexuals.Planned Parenthood.What does queer mean?McAlister J. ‘That complete fusion of spirit as well as body’: heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel.Australasian J Popular Culture. 2014;3(3):299–310. doi:10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
LGBTQ Center for Chapel Hill.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.Copulsky D, Hammack PL.Asexuality, graysexuality, and demisexuality: distinctions in desire, behavior, and identity.J Sex Res. 2021 Dec 17;1-10. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.2012113Demisexuality Resource Center.What is demisexuality?Suen LW, Lunn MR, Katuzny K, et al.What sexual and gender minority people want researchers to know about sexual orientation and gender identity questions: a qualitative study.Arch Sex Behav.2020;49(7):2301–18. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01810-yBogaert AF.Asexuality: what it is and why it matters.J Sex Res.2015;52(4):362-79. doi:10.1080/00224499.2015.1015713Hille JJ, Simmons MK, Sanders SA.“Sex” and the ace spectrum: definitions of sex, behavioral histories, and future interest for individuals who identify as asexual, graysexual, or demisexual.J Sex Res. 2020;57(7): 813–23. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1689378Demisexuality Resource Center.Myths about demisexuals.Planned Parenthood.What does queer mean?McAlister J. ‘That complete fusion of spirit as well as body’: heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel.Australasian J Popular Culture. 2014;3(3):299–310. doi:10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1
LGBTQ Center for Chapel Hill.Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation.
Copulsky D, Hammack PL.Asexuality, graysexuality, and demisexuality: distinctions in desire, behavior, and identity.J Sex Res. 2021 Dec 17;1-10. doi:10.1080/00224499.2021.2012113
Demisexuality Resource Center.What is demisexuality?
Suen LW, Lunn MR, Katuzny K, et al.What sexual and gender minority people want researchers to know about sexual orientation and gender identity questions: a qualitative study.Arch Sex Behav.2020;49(7):2301–18. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01810-y
Bogaert AF.Asexuality: what it is and why it matters.J Sex Res.2015;52(4):362-79. doi:10.1080/00224499.2015.1015713
Hille JJ, Simmons MK, Sanders SA.“Sex” and the ace spectrum: definitions of sex, behavioral histories, and future interest for individuals who identify as asexual, graysexual, or demisexual.J Sex Res. 2020;57(7): 813–23. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1689378
Demisexuality Resource Center.Myths about demisexuals.
Planned Parenthood.What does queer mean?
McAlister J. ‘That complete fusion of spirit as well as body’: heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel.Australasian J Popular Culture. 2014;3(3):299–310. doi:10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1
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