Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Love Bombing?Love Bombing and NPDSignsHow to Get HelpSigns of a Loving RelationshipFAQ
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Is Love Bombing?
Love Bombing and NPD
Signs
How to Get Help
Signs of a Loving Relationship
FAQ
Love bombinginvolves bombarding a person (usually a romantic partner) with attention and affection. A love bomber might shower you with compliments and gifts, for example.
While this may seem like normal behavior for someone who is newly infatuated, love bombing is, in fact, amanipulation tactic. People who love bomb are looking to obtain power and control at the beginning of a relationship. Love bombing is commonly associated withnarcissism.
Read on to learn more about love bombing and why it’s a relationship red flag.
Verywell / Ellen Lindner
Excitement and displays of affection are usual at the beginning of a relationship, but love bombing behaviors are excessive.
At first, the love bomber showers their partner with gifts, praise, and other gestures that appear flattering on the surface. However, these tactics are manipulative, meant to groom their partners, isolate them from friends and family, and secure themselves as the most critical person in their partner’s life. The goal is to ultimately make their partner emotionally and socially dependent.
Love Bombing and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Love bombing is commonly associated with narcissism. People withnarcissistic personality disorder(NPD) see themselves as unique and deserving of admiration; they feel entitled and disrespect the needs of others. This does not stem from self-love but rather the fear of being undesired. People with NPD often have low self-esteem.
A person with NPD or narcissistic tendencies engages in love bombing to receive praise and admiration. The intention is not to show genuine affection but to exhibit control and for personal gain.
While many people who love bomb have narcissistic personality disorder, that is not always the case. Attachment style and other factors can also play a role.
Why Is Love Bombing a Major Red Flag?
Love bombing allows an abusive person to build their partner up before tearing them down. Abusers use love bombing to gain their partner’s trust and adoration, getting them to open up, learning their weaknesses, and ultimately using that against them.
It’s essential to recognize love bombing not as a sign of affection but as the first step in creating a toxic and controlling relationship.
Signs You’re Being Love Bombed
A love bomber may use different tactics, but the overall feeling is that it is “too much, too soon.” Here are eight tactics a love bomber may use:
They Shower You With Gifts
Giving gifts is not uncommon in relationships, but with love bombing, gifts tend to be excessive and usually come with expectations of praise, validation, compliance, or something else in return.
Being lavished with gifts, especially pricey ones (such as trips, expensive jewelry, or designer handbags) early in a relationship can be a warning sign, as can offering financial support without prompting, such as paying your rent, bills, or other expenses.
They Can’t Stop Giving Compliments
Compliments are nice, but making grand statements when you’re still getting to know another person is problematic.
Phrases like “My life would be nothing without you,” and declarations of love early in a relationship make for good romantic movies but are red flags in genuine relationships.
If the person is saying things that make you feel uncomfortable early on, or before you know each other well enough for them to feel valid, this person may be love bombing you.
They Tell You What You Want to Hear
One way to “get you on their side” or convince you that they are your perfect match is for a love bomber to agree with everything you say and tell you what you want to hear, whether they actually agree or feel these things or not.
They’re Big on Showing Affection
Being too familiar and affectionate too early on, when the length and depth of the relationship don’t warrant it, can be a warning sign.
Calling you their “other half” or their “soulmate” weeks into a relationship—or before enough time and interaction has passed to have a fundamental understanding of another person—and placing you on a pedestal can mean a more significant issue is at play, especially if it makes youfeel anxious.
They Want Your Undivided Attention
It’s not unusual to want to spend a lot of time with your partner, especially when you are newly in a relationship. But if your partner feels entitled to or possessive of your time, that is asign of potential abuse.
Do they:
Expecting to have control over your time and with whom you spend it is a warning sign in a relationship.
They Call and Text Frequently
If your partner constantly calls, texts, or contacts you on social media, making you uncomfortable, then it’s time to discuss your comfort levels and boundaries with them.
If they continue to contact you more than you feel OK with or areaggressivewith their timing or tone, that is a red flag.
They Get Upset When You Put Up Boundaries
You are entitled tohave boundaries and limits, and you get to control your own life. If your partner does not respect these boundaries or gets angry when you enforce them, that is possession and emotional manipulation.
This may upset them when you shift your focus elsewhere, such as answering a phone call during a date.
They may accuse you of being selfish and portray themselves as a victim when you exercise your own will instead of doing what they want you to. This is controlling behavior, not a healthy relationship dynamic.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
Because love bombing is a manipulative technique meant to establish control, the initial admiration shifts into furtheremotional abuse.
The abuser may get “set off” easily and become defensive or abusive if criticized or challenged. They may be irrational and volatile, raging when they don’t get their way.
In addition, people who love bomb may also employ other controlling or abusive tactics, such as gaslighting.
What Is Gaslighting?
By deliberately questioning facts, denying their partner’s memories, and undermining their partner’s judgment, they cause their partner to question their perceptions of reality and the validity of their thoughts and memories. This may make their partner feel like they’re “going crazy.”
If you are noticing signs of love bombing (either in someone else or even in yourself), it’s important to acknowledge it and respond.
If You’re Being Love Bombed
Listen to what your gut is telling you. If you are feeling overwhelmed or uncomfortable, these are valid feelings that deserve investigating.
You may feel confused, have difficulty interpreting your feelings, or even use denial as a defense mechanism.
Discussing your partner’s behavior, your relationship, and how you feel about it with a trusted friend or confidante may be helpful. They can offer you insight from a perspective outside of the relationship.
It may also help to journal what is happening in your relationship. This provides a reference for keeping your memories straight should gaslighting occur.
Suppose you feel safe doing so and want to continue in the relationship. In that case, you can discuss your feelings with your partner and work on establishing boundaries that allow you to feel comfortable and respected.
If your partner resists or does not respect these boundaries, that is a potentially dangerous red flag.
If you have a bad feeling about something, don’t ignore it. Instead, enlist the help of friends, family, or a mental health professional.
Help Is AvailableIf you are experiencing abusive behaviors, professionals can offer help and support.The National Domestic Violence Hotlinehas resources available, as well as a phone number to call (1-800-799-7233)and a number to text (text “START” to 88788).The Crisis Text Lineoffers a number to text (text HOME to 741741) to connect with a crisis counselor and other resources. For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database
Help Is Available
If you are experiencing abusive behaviors, professionals can offer help and support.The National Domestic Violence Hotlinehas resources available, as well as a phone number to call (1-800-799-7233)and a number to text (text “START” to 88788).The Crisis Text Lineoffers a number to text (text HOME to 741741) to connect with a crisis counselor and other resources. For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database
If you are experiencing abusive behaviors, professionals can offer help and support.The National Domestic Violence Hotlinehas resources available, as well as a phone number to call (1-800-799-7233)and a number to text (text “START” to 88788).
The Crisis Text Lineoffers a number to text (text HOME to 741741) to connect with a crisis counselor and other resources. For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database
The Complete Guide to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
If You’re the One Love Bombing
If you are or think you may be love bombing someone else, it’s essential to speak with a mental health professional.
The reasons behind your behavior could be related tomental healthorattachment factorsthat can be addressed with the help of a therapist or another mental health professional.
How Is Love Bombing Different From a Loving Relationship?
Summary
Love bombing is a tactic in which a person uses excessive and disproportionate gestures of affection to manipulate and establish control over their partner.
This can include elaborate gift-giving, excessive complimenting, wanting undivided attention, and other manipulative tactics.
Love bombing is commonly associated withnarcissismand often progresses into emotional abuse. Love bombing behavior should be seen as a relationship red flag.
Frequently Asked QuestionsThere is no set time for how long love bombing lasts, but those who have experienced it have indicated it can last for several months.If you are love bombing someone or have in past relationships, talk to a mental health professional. They can help you determine why and how to address your behavior.
Frequently Asked Questions
There is no set time for how long love bombing lasts, but those who have experienced it have indicated it can last for several months.
If you are love bombing someone or have in past relationships, talk to a mental health professional. They can help you determine why and how to address your behavior.
10 SourcesVerywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Thomaes S, Brummelman E.Narcissism. In: Cicchetti D, ed.Developmental Psychopathology. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.;2016:1-47. doi:10.1002/9781119125556.devpsy316Maryland Cult Task Force.Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis in Support of House Joint Resolution 22. May 25, 1999Perrotta G.Narcissism and psychopathological profiles: definitions, clinical contexts, neurobiological aspects and clinical treatments.J Clin Cases Rep. 2020;4(85):12-25. doi:10.46619/joccr.2021.S5-1003Strutzenberg C, Wiersma-Mosley J, Jozkowski K, Becnel J.Love-bombing: a narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery, The Student Journal of Dale Bumpers College of Agricultural, Food and Life Sciences. 2017;18(1):81-89.Kwiatkowska K.The Bright, the Dark, and the Blue Face of Narcissism: The Spectrum of Narcissism in Its Relations to the Metatraits of Personality, Self-Esteem, and the Nomological Network of Shyness, Loneliness, and Empathy.Front Psychol.2018 Mar 14;9:343. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00343Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice: LoveIsRespect.org.Signs of love bombing.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Healthy relationships.Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963
10 Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Thomaes S, Brummelman E.Narcissism. In: Cicchetti D, ed.Developmental Psychopathology. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.;2016:1-47. doi:10.1002/9781119125556.devpsy316Maryland Cult Task Force.Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis in Support of House Joint Resolution 22. May 25, 1999Perrotta G.Narcissism and psychopathological profiles: definitions, clinical contexts, neurobiological aspects and clinical treatments.J Clin Cases Rep. 2020;4(85):12-25. doi:10.46619/joccr.2021.S5-1003Strutzenberg C, Wiersma-Mosley J, Jozkowski K, Becnel J.Love-bombing: a narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery, The Student Journal of Dale Bumpers College of Agricultural, Food and Life Sciences. 2017;18(1):81-89.Kwiatkowska K.The Bright, the Dark, and the Blue Face of Narcissism: The Spectrum of Narcissism in Its Relations to the Metatraits of Personality, Self-Esteem, and the Nomological Network of Shyness, Loneliness, and Empathy.Front Psychol.2018 Mar 14;9:343. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00343Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice: LoveIsRespect.org.Signs of love bombing.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Healthy relationships.Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Thomaes S, Brummelman E.Narcissism. In: Cicchetti D, ed.Developmental Psychopathology. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.;2016:1-47. doi:10.1002/9781119125556.devpsy316Maryland Cult Task Force.Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis in Support of House Joint Resolution 22. May 25, 1999Perrotta G.Narcissism and psychopathological profiles: definitions, clinical contexts, neurobiological aspects and clinical treatments.J Clin Cases Rep. 2020;4(85):12-25. doi:10.46619/joccr.2021.S5-1003Strutzenberg C, Wiersma-Mosley J, Jozkowski K, Becnel J.Love-bombing: a narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery, The Student Journal of Dale Bumpers College of Agricultural, Food and Life Sciences. 2017;18(1):81-89.Kwiatkowska K.The Bright, the Dark, and the Blue Face of Narcissism: The Spectrum of Narcissism in Its Relations to the Metatraits of Personality, Self-Esteem, and the Nomological Network of Shyness, Loneliness, and Empathy.Front Psychol.2018 Mar 14;9:343. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00343Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice: LoveIsRespect.org.Signs of love bombing.National Domestic Violence Hotline.Healthy relationships.Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963
Thomaes S, Brummelman E.Narcissism. In: Cicchetti D, ed.Developmental Psychopathology. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.;2016:1-47. doi:10.1002/9781119125556.devpsy316
Maryland Cult Task Force.Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis in Support of House Joint Resolution 22. May 25, 1999
Perrotta G.Narcissism and psychopathological profiles: definitions, clinical contexts, neurobiological aspects and clinical treatments.J Clin Cases Rep. 2020;4(85):12-25. doi:10.46619/joccr.2021.S5-1003
Strutzenberg C, Wiersma-Mosley J, Jozkowski K, Becnel J.Love-bombing: a narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery, The Student Journal of Dale Bumpers College of Agricultural, Food and Life Sciences. 2017;18(1):81-89.
Kwiatkowska K.The Bright, the Dark, and the Blue Face of Narcissism: The Spectrum of Narcissism in Its Relations to the Metatraits of Personality, Self-Esteem, and the Nomological Network of Shyness, Loneliness, and Empathy.Front Psychol.2018 Mar 14;9:343. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00343
Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006
Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation. 2020;7(1):19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8
Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice: LoveIsRespect.org.Signs of love bombing.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.Healthy relationships.
Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963
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