Siblings of children with disabilities have unique challenges—and siblings ofautistic kidsare no exception. But as with virtually everything related toautism, each situation is unique.
For some siblings, life with an autistic sibling can be overwhelmingly difficult. For others, it has its ups and downs. There are even some children who see their sibling’s autism as a plus. Despite these differences, however, there are some shared experiences and challenges.
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Whether the sibling of an autistic child is rich or poor, mellow or anxious, there are certain shared challenges.
Ableist Embarrassment
This is one of the most difficult challenges because it’s very real—and impossible to avoid. Children, once they are past kindergarten, are judgmental people. And, unlike adults, they are liable to pass judgment out loud, in public.
As they grow older, they will need to develop skills to express support for an autistic sibling and an intolerance of ableist bias when they bring home friends, find a mate, or marry.
Addressing Resentment
The entire family must adjust to a sibling’s autism diagnosis. It is important to tend to the mental health of neurotypical siblings to prevent feelings of resentment towards their autistic loved one.
A sibling will likely have to compromise, say “no” more often, and bend to their siblings' needs and tastes. For example, neurotypical siblings may have to watch the same movie 50 times, go home from an event before they’re ready, or say “no” to throwing a party—in order to accommodate their autistic sibling.
As they grow up, siblings may find that their parents have less time or money to help with big expenses such as college, a wedding, or buying a home,
Greater Expectations
When there is a disabled family member, other family members must help support them—and that includes siblings. Siblings of an autistic child (even when they are very young) are more likely to be asked to manage their own feelings and needs, to take on more household tasks, or to postpone their own pleasures.
As adults, siblings may need to take on more and more responsibility for an autistic sibling as it becomes more difficult for their parents or guardians.
Why Sibling Experiences Are So Different From One Another
Yes, there are some shared issues—but there are some vast differences among siblings of autistic children. If you bring together a group of neurotypical children with autistic siblings, you’ll hear some very, very different points of view, concerns, and challenges. Here’s why.
Autistic children are very different from one another
Because autism is such a wide-ranging diagnosis, autistic children and teens may present in completely different ways. As a result, siblings may find it relatively easy or extremely challenging to live in the same household. For example:
Siblings are different from one another
Every child is unique, and individual children’s responses to having an autistic sibling will vary too. While one child may find the experience trying and difficult, another may find it rewarding.
Is it easier to be the younger or the older sibling of an autistic child? Just like being older or younger than a neurotypical developing sibling, there are ups and downs to each.
Different temperaments and personalities can also make a big difference. For some siblings, living with an autistic child can be a major challenge, while to others it is an opportunity.
Family attitudes and situations are different from one another
Autism aside, family attitudes and situations can have a huge impact on children. Add autism into the mix, and ordinary family conflicts, challenges, strengths, and flexibility become a very big deal. For a neurotypically developing sibling, parents' behaviors and emotions can become a source of positivity and strength—or not. For example:
Family finances vary
Money may not buy love, but it can buy a great many things for a family living with autism. While it’s possible to have very little money and still manage with few disruptions, it’s not easy.
Poverty and autism can be a challenging mix. Yes, there are resources available for parents or guardians with autistic children—but those resources can be difficult to access, frustrating to manage, and may be severely limited depending upon the family’s location.
Parents or guardians who are working hourly jobs may not have the flexibility they need to visit social security and state agencies during weekday hours. Those who don’t have their own computers and internet access don’t have the tools they need to research and find therapies, services, or treatment options.
Parents or guardians with significant funds can essentially buy their way out of some of these frustrations. If they are working at higher-level jobs, they have more flexibility to attend conferences, go to meetings, and manage agencies and benefits.
If they don’t qualify for services or are denied desired educational settings, they can pay forprivate providers. If they feel overwhelmed, they can often pay for respite care.
How do these differences affect neurotypically developing siblings? There are a variety of impacts:
Expectations placed on siblings vary
What is expected of a child with an autistic sibling? The answer will depend a great deal upon their family’s size, finances, cultural background, and emotional stability. The answer will also change as the autistic and neurotypical siblings grow older—and guardians are less capable of handling things on their own.
How to Help Your Neurotypically Developing Child
Whatever your circumstances, and whatever the abilities and challenges of your autistic child, it’s important to keep your neurotypically developing child’s needs in mind. That said, it’s also important to remember that disability in the family is not a bad thing. Given the right circumstances, a child with an autistic sibling can gain great personal strengths. Empathy, responsibility, flexibility, resourcefulness, and kindness can all come from the experience.
Here are some tips for ensuring that your neurotypical child has a positive outcome:
Sources
Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Petalas, M.A., Hastings, R.P., Nash, S. et al. Typicality and Subtle Difference in Sibling Relationships: Experiences of Adolescents With Autism. J Child Fam Stud (2015) 24: 38.
Tomeny T, Baker L, Barry TD, Eldred, SW. Emotional and Behavioral Functioning of Typically-Developing Sisters of Children With Autism Spectrum Disorder: The Roles of ASD Severity, Parental Stress, and Marital Status. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders. 2016;32:130-42.
Walton KM, Ingersoll BR. Psychosocial Adjustment and Sibling Relationships in Siblings of Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Risk and Protective Factors. J Autism Dev Disord. 2015;45(9):2764-78.
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